Heidi's Hideout

No, but now I want to

2012-01-06T19:20:00.001+02:00

see more Very Demotivational

The Partisans - Rick Perry - Weak, man.

2011-12-30T06:39:00.000+02:00

The Partisans - Rick Perry - Weak, man.:

Best parody so far!

Via AtheisTube, The Partisans - Rick Perry - Weak, man.

Rolling in the deep

2011-12-30T05:31:00.000+02:00

Leave out all the rest

2011-10-16T06:58:00.006+02:00

A close friend called me out on something yesterday. He said that there was something other than the divorce that is bothering me.

And there is.

When Lindie died everything changed for me. After some time I came to the realisation that the only way I could make her death mean something is to make sure that I live every day to the full.

Live my best life, if you will.

And I am not.

I am still feeling stuck, in limbo, unsure of what changes I need to make. Maybe there aren't any changes to be made. Maybe I have to mold my thinking until being present in each moment is second nature.

And then when I have mastered that, will my legacy become apparent? I don't know.

The song of the moment is Leave out all the rest.

Listen to it and tell me it isn't one of the most haunting songs ever.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shed but I'm me

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

Time

2011-09-20T19:05:00.002+02:00

Three years ago today, on a windy spring day, I walked down the aisle to make a commitment to a man. Tonight, three years on, I am packing up the last of my husband’s things while he’ll be having what looks to be a romantic evening with his new love interest.

In a parallel universe, I would call him up and say: “Hey, I’m happy for you”. But in this universe he has behaved like a petulant child and is not worthy of such a gesture.

I had heard somewhere, I forget where, that on average a person has a major life changing event every three years. For some reason, I am way off par. Let’s recap:

In 2007, desperate to get into the property market, we purchased a house.

In 2008, my sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer. That same year I got married.

In 2009, the company I worked for decided to close the Gauteng branch, unexpectedly throwing me back into the job market.

In 2010, my sister lost her battle against cancer. And I developed type 1 diabetes.

In 2011, I took the difficult decision to end my marriage.

The last five years have truly tested my resilience and I have surprised even myself. That is something at least.

I knew leaving wouldn’t be easy. And I knew that I would have to sacrifice some friendships. That is partly why it took me two years to muster the energy to see it through. But no amount of anticipation adequately prepared me for what was to come, the details of which I haven't the energy to recount. And I have been judged, harshly, by many for my decision to disentangle myself and leave.

And though it hurts, none of these people sat by their only sister’s bed, watching helplessly as she fought for more time on this earth. So I don’t expect any of them to understand how time can become the most precious thing. And how, in the month that my sister would have turned 29 had she been alive, after another three week silent treatment marathon from my husband post another conflict, leaving was the only sensible option.

And tonight, on my three year wedding anniversary, I will shed my last tear for the demise of my marriage and for the lost friendships.

And tomorrow I will smile and be grateful for the time that is to come.

Not all me

2011-08-28T19:28:00.002+02:00

Another Alanis gem...

I wear their face all on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly fueled rage
I bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on

Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
Is my dignity in place?
I'm all too happy to switch

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on

Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And only take on what is mine to

We are a team
I'm here to help mend and rescind
All I trigger unknowingly
A job I hold in high esteem

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you, but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it

Help!

2011-08-07T17:46:00.002+02:00

My father was an abusive asshole. The type that would remove his belt to hit his wife because she wanted to go to church. My mother has many hair-raising stories of this nature, but that is not what is important right now. Rather what is important is that the abuse she suffered often happened in full view of others, usually neighbours, and people hardly ever came to her aid.

I share this because it ties in with a chapter in :59 seconds. Wiseman starts by recounting the Kitty Genovese story. Dubbed the bystander effect, it was the catalyst for some studies into why nobody did anything to stop Kitty’s gruesome murder.

The finding was that, the more people there are around, the less inclined anyone is to assist. Why? Firstly because of group mentality (everybody looks to see if anyone else will do something) and secondly there is no clarity on who is responsible to do anything, no chain of command, so people mill around like sheep. All rather depressing if one thinks about it too hard.

So what to do if you are in a crisis? Well, says Richard, pick a friendly face in the crowd and tell them in no uncertain terms what is happening and what they need to do to help. This forces the person to take responsibility and spring into action. So there you have it. But hopefully you never need to use this information.

When sending e-mails requesting assistance or input, Richard says one should not copy a bunch of people in, but rather send individual mails to increase the chances of getting a reply. I am going to give this one a shot to see if it works.

Reasons, seasons, lifetimes

2011-08-02T15:53:00.006+02:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

- Brian A. "Drew" Chalker

ve, take. But not all relationships are lifetime relationships. Sometimes we are in a relationship that we had hoped would last a lifetime, only to find the best it could do was fulfil a specific purpose.

In my 33 years on this planet, I’ve had many relationships, good and bad. As a nerdy looking child, I took a lot of flack and didn’t have many friends. High school brought another era. Boys started noticing me, and I lapped it all up. Still plagued by my primary school days of rejection, my behaviour was largely motivated by my insecurity. Ironically, many people at my high school thought I was a snob. Yes, I excelled academically and was confident on that score… but what was dubbed snobbism was really just me not feeling confident in social situations, always fearful of rejection.

I tend to compete with myself, rather than with others, so I find it interesting that I placed so much stock into what other people thought of me. Having my father abandoning me at a very young age certainly didn’t help matters. Before he died, I tried to get some answers, some closure from him, but it was unsuccessful. I was left to devise my own closure. And I think I did. My father was only in my life for a reason: It forced me to be independent early on.

Some of my closest friends were energy sappers. So was my marriage. I held onto these relationships much, much longer than I should have. Some because of the same insecurity. Others because I am very trusting and will continually try and give someone the benefit of the doubt. Others still because of circumstance. What have these relationships taught me? They are not lifetime relationships and they didn’t bring much joy. So they too were reason relationships. What is the reason? I think to teach me how to let go.

During the next phase of my life I want to focus on the lifetime and season relationships. Too much time and energy has been spent on the reason relationships. Certain relationships are meant to end. And that’s okay. Don’t dwell on it too much. Life is too short for prolonged regret.

The museum of me application pointed out to me who I interacted with most on Facebook. I of course also do a lot of interacting outside of Facebook. And I wondered to myself whether I am doing enough to show appreciation to the people that are continually there to show me support and encouragement. If I were to die, would they know what they meant to me? I suspect not.

What is life, but a series of shared moments? Let us let go of broken dreams and reach out instead to the people around us that make each beautiful moment worthwhile.

Not as we

2011-07-30T05:03:00.003+02:00

One of these days I will have something more interesting to share than Alanis lyrics. But I can't help it! She seems to have a song for every mood or situation I find myself in.

They have unfortunately disabled embedding, but click here.

Eight easy steps

2011-07-26T02:53:00.000+02:00

Loving this Alanis number at the moment:

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solveable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

[Chorus:]
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when tought by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a player and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

[Chorus]

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

[Chorus]

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

[Chorus]

Mondegreens

2011-07-24T04:38:00.005+02:00

It's amazing how easily one can mishear (and commit to memory for all eternity!) song lyrics. For an explanation of the origin of the term Mondegreen, click here.

I was VERY surprised about this one:

"Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble; tres bien ensemble."
"Sunday monkey won't play piano song, play piano song."
Michelle, The Beatles

(The top line being the Mondegreen!!!)

Some funny ones I'd like to share that I found here:

"There's a bathroom on the right."
"There's a bad moon on the rise."
Bad Moon Rising, Creedence Clearwater

"She's got a chicken to ride."
"She's got a ticket to ride."
Ticket to Ride, The Beatles

"Just brush my teeth before you leave me, baby."
"Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby."
Angel of the Morning, Juice Newton

More than I can take

2011-07-20T01:37:00.005+02:00

It’s no secret that I’ve been going through some drama the last couple of years. And for the most part I think I have held up pretty well. I am all for optimism and strive for it as often as I can. But the cracks are starting to show…I’ve been battling. I don’t always sleep well, my glucose is out of control, I weep on occasion, I feel flat generally. So, we will take a break from Wiseman tonight and take an opportunity to wallow.

But first!

Some of you, dear readers, have approached me and revealed that you are finding inspiration and food for thought from my latest entries. What I capture here are really just my musings, with no ulterior purpose. So imagine my delight in learning that others are deriving benefit! And many of you are having a hard time at the moment as well: Some battling with their health, feeling frustrated at the incompetence of the medical fraternity, others are being marginalised at work, forcing them to interrogate their long term plans, others also struggling to end a significant, but unhealthy relationship with their dignity, integrity and sanity in check. Others still, are reading this and suffering in silence.

And it’s damn hard. And most of the time we can keep our chins up and deal.

But sometimes we need to wallow, and tonight is such a night for me. Sometimes we need to retreat, lick our wounds and feel a bit sorry for ourselves. And that’s okay too: It’s all part of it.

Lyrics that I find apt are these:

This is more than I can take
I won't tolerate this anymore
It's more than I can take
Wake me before the sun comes out
And everything's alright

The sun comes out and everything's alright

And I take what I can get
Just don't leave me the scraps
I'm worth more
I'm worth more than that
Wake me before the sun comes out
And everything's alright

The sun comes out and everything's alright

Hold on for one more day
I don't believe in much
But for this I'll pray

So tonight, my friends, we drown in our sorrow together. And tomorrow? Well, tomorrow we stand up to fight again. Because we can.

Fake it til you make it

2011-07-17T08:59:00.010+02:00

Proprioceptive psychology is a complex term for a simple truth: Certain states of the body can influence what we think and feel. Richard Wiseman writes about a study where two groups are asked to add up a bunch of numbers. The first group was asked to frown during the exercise and the second to smile. The people in the second group found adding the numbers easier to do. Also check out this if you want a slightly more scientific explanation.

So in a nutshell: Act happy and eventually you will be.

Or as I like to call it: Fake it til you make it.

Richard suggests the following actions:

Smile. Not in a fleeting way, try to hold it there for at least 15 seconds. When I read this, I thought of me trying to keep a smile in place for that long and that mere thought brought a smile to my face.

Sit up. Have a good posture. But, says Richard, the act of sitting up and pushing out their chests may make some women feel self-conscious which would have the opposite effect. Magies in, borsies uit!

Act happy. Use happy words. Wear bright colours. Walk with a spring in your step.

I challenge you to skip a bit as you walk. If you feel silly, do it where no-one can see you. As adults, we never skip. I guarantee that you will immediately feel less burdened by the world. I remember a friend in high school used to call the one warm up exercise for athletics that mimics this "Heidi spronge". Not sure what the English would be, but I obviously get a kick out of that term.

I loved this show! She was such a happy, uncomplicated, affectionate girl. Let's go Heidi it up.

Money money money

2011-07-16T15:55:00.005+02:00

If I didn't know any better, I would say destiny brought Wiseman's :59 seconds and I together. Well, it was that or a sale. And interestingly, the next chapter of the book is about retail therapy.

In the last six months or so, I have started reading but did not finish the following books:

The butterfly month

A wolf at my table

True Blood

The Watchmen

Die dag toe ek my hare losgemaak het

Mind games

The book of Jacob

Thanks for the memories

The sound of no hands clapping

Abiater wat so lag

The complete idiot's guide to strategic planning

Soliloquy

And it's not because these books aren't engaging...I have just been restless during this transition in my life and have had difficulty concentrating on anything. But I am absolutely lapping up :59 seconds and I suppose it is not surprising since it deals with what really works in self-help and promises to teach quick techniques that really work. Since my current goal is maximum happiness in the least amount of time, this book ranks right up there in terms of things I am willing to spend time and a concerted effort on right now.

But getting back to retail therapy. Turns out spending money isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as you spend money on experiences rather than stuff. Stuff gets old and tattered whereas with experiences one tends to forget the negative aspects and bask in the glow of the positives for a very long time. And (unsurprisingly) those that crave the stuff and spend inordinate amounts of money on the stuff probably had low self esteem as children. There is a questionnaire testing materialism and I am happy to report that I'm not materialistic (but I knew that already). Wiseman further says that to really get maximum enjoyment out of spending money, you should spend it on others rather than yourself.

I do enjoy the shopping though and am an absolute sucker for a sale (why on earth pay full price for something if you don't have to?) But I do spend far more on experiences. Those that know me well will know I go to the spa OFTEN. Also, my largest spend in the past year was on my Mauritius trip (which still gives me warm and fuzzies when I think about it). In a close second is the money I spent on the genetic testing (which I still regret).

I worry about most things and I don't want money to be one of them. Financial security is incredibly important to me, not because I need the stuff, but because I want to be able to eat out whenever I want, splash out on holidays and have a house that lends itself to entertaining others. With some nice stuff inside it ;)

Reviewing the situation

2011-07-15T19:51:00.005+02:00

Tonight Richard wants me to think back over the last seven days and note down three things that went really well for me, even if it is trivial. I had a superbly crap week, so this may be hard. Let's think...

1. Picked up some wonderful goodies at The Body Shop sale.

Okay, I'm battling!

2. ....

Okay, this is a little depressing! Everything I can think of was because of something I made happen for myself and not something that went well for me because of an external factor. And I don't think this is what he had in mind....Must. Keep. Trying.

2. Picked up :59 seconds (also on sale :))

3. I have a bunch of flowers in my room that I was given three weeks ago that are still looking fabulous. Look here if you don't believe me.

I took this picture about a minute ago. My male readers will probably be like "SFW?", but my female readers will know that most bouquets don't even last one week, let alone three.

That concludes that chapter of the book. Stay tuned! Unless you find this frightfully boring. In which case you are excused.

Dear X

2011-07-14T19:25:00.004+02:00

Today's instruction is to imagine I have only one opportunity to tell someone in my life how important they are to me. I am going to cheat a little, because the person I want to address this to, is not technically in my life anymore. It is my dead sister. She was not able to communicate in the last week of her life, so I feel like I was robbed of the opportunity in a way. But! Since the point of this is to achieve happiness, wouldn't that be defeating the purpose?

Just thinking of her, is making me feel somber....

Okay, scratch that. Let me rather pick a living person. I will deal with my unresolved communications to my sister at another time.

Dear Bill

You have reminded me what it means to be alive. To be me. To dance. To sing. To laugh. To be. I have been in limbo for so long, have lost touch with my identity to such an extent, that I have forgotten what I dreamt up as a teenager, sitting in front of my house writing in my super-secret diary that I used to hide inside the water meter cover (yes, I actually did this - I guess the council didn't read our meter too often because it remained there until I got paranoid and moved it).

You've had some tough times and I know it gets you down sometimes thinking about it. I know you have regrets over some of the choices you have made. I know you sometimes ponder whether you are benevolent at the core. You need not worry about this. You are one of the most caring people I have come across in my life. And I will be forever grateful that we met, for the time we spent together (however short-lived) and for the impact that you have had on my life.

Thank you.

***

Why do I only have to choose one, Richard? There are more!

Dear M

The quality I admire about you the most is your perseverance. You would not give up on our friendship! I love how we just click and get each other's wicked senses of humour. You WILL meet the right person. As soon as you learn to love and accept yourself, I believe all that you want will fall into place. Thank you for the times we have shared, for the alcohol that flowed, for the sushi that was consumed and yes, even the conflicts. I appreciate it all and I appreciate you.

Thank you.

Dear Mom

It could not have been easy performing the role of both mom and dad all these years. But you did so bravely, effectively and without complaint. You have sacrificed so much for us! I love that you are there for me, any time of the day, however big or small the emergency. That you have always been proud of me, even when I fucked up royally. That you will drop anything to come to my aid. That you are my best friend. That you are patient, soft spoken and kind.

My wish for you is eternal happiness.

I love you.

Thank you.

Dear F

Did you think I would forget you? Believe it or not, you are one of the friends that have been in my life for the longest. I love that you turn to me and that I can turn to you, even though we are at a complete loss as to how to resolve or advise the other on our respective dilemmas. You are down to earth, simple in your needs and wonderfully authentic. Never change! You will get the happiness you deserve. Hopefully before you start looking your age :) I believe this with all of my heart.

Thank you.

Dear Lindie

Thank you for being my sister. For showing me the importance of living in the now and living my best life now. For illustrating so poignantly that unless we have our health, we have nothing.

That life is too short to be unhappy and that all that we hold dear can be ripped from our hands at any time, so we must hold it close, treasure it, nurture it and be grateful for it everyday. I could not muster the strength to escape my circumstances when you were dying, but your death has finally given me the impetus to do what is best for me as you encouraged me to do when you were alive.

I will always remember your laugh and your light.

I love you.

Thank you most of all.

Future Fantastic

2011-07-13T17:22:00.003+02:00

Wednesday's writing assignment is to jot down what my future would look like if everything has gone as well as it possibly could, both personally and professionally. Even if it never transpires, Wiseman says, it will make me feel good.

Okay. In the future I will have my own business, preferably a dance studio. It will cater for various forms of dance and it will be wildly popular. I will live in a spacious house with huge one way glass windows and doors. It will be decorated in a minimalist fashion, but will be homey (sp?) and have trinkets I picked up from my travels all over the globe. It will have a huge patio at the back that will cater for entertainment in any weather. The main bedroom will be an oasis of peace and calm where no voices are ever raised in anger, only in unbridled passion. And absolutely no tv's or phones are allowed in the bedroom! The kitchen will have all the amenities including an ice maker for white wine ice on demand! It will have floor to ceiling bookshelves in the seating room covered in books and cd's (or whatever the technology will be at that time). The garden will be lush and have many intimate hidden away corners. And I would love it if the house could be green (the state, not the colour!)

Because I believe an experience is so much richer if you can share it with someone, there is a partner in this picture of my future. The person has a career they are deeply passionate about, allows me to be myself, is creative and sensual in bed, cares about their appearance and has an ease with people from all walks of life be it the domestic worker or top level execs. And of course dotes on me! :) We spend glorious nights at home, either entertaining our friends or family, or sharing an intimate dinner made from the freshest ingredients, laughing, debating, loving and being.

That did make me feel good. Thanks, Richard!

(un)Terrific times

2011-07-12T20:04:00.002+02:00

I had an okay day that ended horrendously, but I am soldiering on with the Wiseman experiment (as it will be affectionately known henceforth).

The Tuesday diary instructions are to write down one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, just committing it without worrying about grammar and the like.

Okay, let me close my eyes and think...

I'm trying my best to reach out to numerous experiences, but one is particularly fresh in my mind and is refusing to back down....Karen Zoid unplugged in Cafe Barcelona...a bunch of strangers together in a small room (ha!) ...everybody in a good mood, relaxed, snug, happy. Karen's phenomenal talent. The heat inside the venue in sharp contrast with the sniping cold outside...me singing to the songs with abandon...perfectly content.

Terrific times.

Think a little, change a lot

2011-07-11T20:15:00.003+02:00

So I've started reading Richard Wiseman's :59 seconds.

Chapter 1 is about how to achieve happiness and includes such activities as having a gratitude attitude (recording things you are grateful for), affectionate writing (being in a loving relationship and expressing your loving feelings about the person) and thinking of one's perfect (but realistic) ideal future, all of which have apparently been scientifically proven to achieve happiness results.

The exercise linked to this chapter is to keep a diary for 5 days, each day requiring something specific being recorded.

Hey, I have nothing better to do! And 5 days is the sort of commitment I'm comfortable with :)

So I have decided to record my efforts here, for posterity.

Monday's heading is thanksgiving. I have to think over the past week and list three things I'm grateful for. I can probably manage three from today:

1. I am grateful for my ability to command the attention of a room and impart knowledge.

2. I am grateful for my mother who consistently goes above and beyond to support me during this time and all of the time.

3. I am grateful for the friends (two men in particular come to mind) that let me be me and refrain from judging me too harshly over my choices.

Okay, that made me smile. Day 1 down...let's see if you have something here, Richard!

Song for now

2011-06-13T21:54:00.002+02:00

So called chaos - Alanis Morissette

Deadlines, meetings and contracts all breached
D-days and structure responsibility

Have-to's and need-to's and get-to's by three
Eleventh hours and upset employees

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to what I was born to be

Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers
Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations at the shoes upon my feet

All won't be lost if I'm governed by my own innate-ness
Stop lights won't work I'll get home sound and safe regardless
Won't be mayhem if I'm ruled by my own rule-lessness
My fire won't quell and I'll be harm-free and distress-less (trust me)

Line towing, and helping, expectations up to living
Inside box obeying, inside line coloring

I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations at the shoes upon my feet
I want to be naked, running through the streets
I want to invite this so called chaos, that you'd think I dare not be
I want to be weightless, flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to what I was born to be

With great power

2011-04-24T20:55:00.022+02:00

You know, I don't mind skeptics. Hell, some of my best friends are skeptics. I love hanging out with them. I marvel at the kind of time they apparently have to read up a whole host of things on the internet. I support their endeavors to protect the meek and ignorant from scammers. I hardly ever have to feign interest when they are blabbing on about what new and amazing thing some scientist got up to this week.

But sometimes, just sometimes, they get worked up about completely the wrong things. That's right, I said it!

see more Very Demotivational

I have read some of the criticism against the bill of responsibilities and I think the outcry from certain skeptics regarding the bill is somewhat misplaced. I get that freedom of speech needs to be protected. I get that we prefer to have a proper separation between religion and state and that the involvement of religious leaders under the auspices of the interfaith council in the drafting and promotion of the bill sits a bit uncomfortably. I get that we need to be very careful about what our children get exposed to as part of the "culture" of the school. I get all that.

Yes, it would be great if we could all just interpret the constitution and live by the values it underpins. But guys, have you watched the news lately? Heard the crime stats lately? Glanced at the error-ridden CV of a young graduate lately? Tried to have a semi-intelligent conversation with said graduate? This country is not in a good way and that is why I support the bill, more so because it was a private initiative that was adopted by government.

Let's unpack some of the criticisms leveled against the bill:

It undermines our right to choose

Really? Last time I checked the bill wasn't signed into law. And yes, maybe your little munchkin will now have this as part of his curriculum, but will it really undermine his ability to choose in a supremely negative way? To the extent that it incorporates things such as don't hurt and bully others, respect the property of others and adhere to the rules of the school, I would argue not. These things are common sense. But unfortunately kids are mean, stupid and naughty (yes, they are! A cursory trip down memory lane will jog your memory). And to the extent that both parents need to work these days and don't have all that much time to make sure their little sweethearts are behaving at school, let alone the poor single parent families and even worse, the teenaged AIDS orphans who now need to raise their younger siblings, the bill is surely a predominantly positive thing.

In any event, do you not trust your ability as a parent to explain to your child the difference between the law and a good idea?

Morality is not the government's mandate

Not so. Morality is about what is right and what is wrong and what constitutes good behaviour and what bad. The law aims to create harmony in society by stipulating what is deemed right and wrong, good or bad. And the government has a whole arm with the singular purpose of creating law, and another arm to enforce it. Your argument is invalid.

It does not promote equality and democracy

The biggest gripe here seems to be that the concomitant responsibility to the right to freedom of expression is to "ensure that others are not insulted or have their feelings hurt". In my view, the reason why the (atheist) skeptics are so incensed by this one, is because of the notion that one should not be expected to respect the view of a (believer) person, only respect his right to hold said view. We could philosophize about this one for hours! In theory, I agree. But I have seen some serious trolling by atheists that takes it to the extreme. We've all seen it - you know exactly the kind of behaviour I am referring to.

So let's go back to the playground and picture for the moment one child torturing another by hurling insults akin to the ones we see online. Isn't it a good idea to teach children that this is a bad idea? Does it mean your atheist child cannot tell a Christian child that he doesn't think Jesus lives in heaven? Absolutely not. But does it mean your atheist child cannot tell a Christian child that Jesus is made up and that he is a dumb f*ck for believing in him? Yes. And before you start telling me in an exasperated fashion that the problem is that the Christian child will be insulted by the mere notion that Jesus is not in heaven: I know. I have also seen how very sensitive the religious people can be. And the wording is sloppy: "ensure that others are not insulted...". I agree that this is a bit wide. It suggests that you have to take into consideration a higher sensitivity in your audience. They certainly could have done better on that one. But if children are taught to act in the spirit of the bill rather than fuss about semantics, it could be something really positive.

No right is absolute. It is a constant balancing of the rights of individuals and groups. This is not a new concept. If the right to freedom of expression was absolute, we would not have defamation cases.

If we lived in a more mature society - financially, emotionally, politically - perhaps we wouldn't need something like this. But sadly, we don't. Our people have a sense of entitlement, have a violent streak, are desperate. Our very progressive constitution will be wasted if we do not educate our people about the responsibilities that come with the rights enshrined in it.

Exit...

2011-04-24T20:40:00.002+02:00

...music by Radiohead is a song I have recently rediscovered. The lyrics in isolation don't do the song justice, but here they are anyway. Go! Go dust of OK Computer and listen to it. For some reason it conjures up images from Natural Born Killers. I wish I could direct the movie for which this could be the exit music...

Wake... from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today.. we escape
We escape.

Pack and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before.. all hell.. breaks loose.

Breathe... keep breathing
Don’t lose.. your nerve.
Breathe... keep breathing
I can’t do this.. alone.

Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There’s such a chill
Such a chill.

You can laugh
A spineless laugh
We hope that your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one
In everlasting peace

We hope that you choke.. that you choke
We hope that you choke.. that you choke
We hope that you choke.. that you choke

Where have all the good friends gone? Long time passing...

2011-02-08T22:51:00.002+02:00

So seriously. I consider myself to be a mature, assertive, no nonsense kind of gal. I speak my mind and though that is often frightening to people the bottom line is that I am always true to myself. Yes, I have a business version of me and I have a social version of me. The reason is that I think that certain behaviour is appropriate in certain circumstances. I believe this to be healthy compartementalising. I may be deluded on this score. I welcome dissenting voices on this topic. But thus far, it has worked out pretty well for me. But when I am invested in someone, I give them my undivided attention. Not all the time, because when I am at work I am focussed on that. But when I am with that person, I really concentrate on being present with them. I don't always get it right, but I damn well try.

But my issue is this: I have 500+ friends on Facebook, but very few people I can turn to. Who is asking to me how work is? Who is asking me how my furry kids are? Who is asking me how I am coping with poking myself with a needle 6 times a day (**Big news flash: Heidi has been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes**).

Who accepts me just the way I am?

And this is the crux for me, folks. I have not discounted a friendship due to creed, belief, gender, monetary success, relationship status, sexual orientation or personal choices. Yes, compatibility on these issues make these friendships easier. But not once have I refused a friendship due to a discordance on one of these issues.

So why, oh, why am I in my thirties and so damn alone?

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and we have certainly had our fair share of problems. Yet we have a strong intimate relationship - surpassed by few. But I have needs outside of that relationship, just hankering for fulfillment.

So if you are reading this and at least some of it is resonating with you, I implore you to contact me. Maybe we hit it off and maybe we don't, but how will we know until we explore it?

My only requirement is respectful authenticity.

If this makes sense to you, mail me at heidi.hertz@gmail.com.

I refuse to accept that I am alone in this need.

OLD PEOPLE

2010-12-22T08:23:00.000+02:00

OLD PEOPLE: "

OLD PEOPLE

Don’t let them con you!!!

Submitted by:

bitchin_rich

Picture by: Unknown

LIFE

2010-12-13T07:21:00.000+02:00

LIFE: "

LIFE

Its a beach…

OMG!!

2010-12-13T07:20:00.000+02:00

OMG!!: "

OMG!!

My owner is having sex with a deer

THE NEW INTERNET EXPLORER

2010-12-13T07:18:00.000+02:00

THE NEW INTERNET EXPLORER: "

THE NEW INTERNET EXPLORER

Allows you to download Firefox or Chrome even faster!

Don't mess with the Zohan

2010-12-13T07:08:00.002+02:00

LOLing it up

2010-12-04T08:54:00.001+02:00

Please go vote for my lolz here.

Let our powers combine...

2010-10-14T16:22:00.000+02:00

Clarice...

2010-10-14T16:21:00.000+02:00

BRB

2010-10-02T08:47:00.000+02:00

BRB: "

BRB

Submitted by:

NYYankee

Dogs and Cats

2010-09-01T19:20:00.005+02:00

The City of Joburg pet bylaw restricts the number of pets residents are permitted to keep. The bylaw was promulgated back in 2006, but the number limitation only kicked in January this year.

The gist is that if you want to keep more than the specified number of pets you need a permit to do so.

Most people's couldn't give a rat's ass (even a pet rat's one) what the city's administration says they may or may not do. And the reality is, whilst the bylaw's main aim is the health of the city's residents and the welfare of the animals, the city simply does not have the manpower to enforce the bylaw. Certainly not at the moment anyway.

But consider this: You have an argument with your neighbour because his pimply teenage son insists playing that same clubby song at top volume every Sunday morning at 8 am. Now you can't stand each other and he hears about this piece of legislation and decides to get back at you by reporting you to the authorities. (It could happen!) In this instance it would be good if you have your ducks in a row and cover your ass and that of your rat because there are consequences if you are found to be in contravention of the bylaw: A six month prison sentence and/or a R1000 fine.

So let me break it down for you:

Firstly, despite all the animal references, this particular bylaw only deals with dogs and cats.

Second thing you need to know, is that it differentiates between:

* Townhouses/ semi's ("dwelling unit")

* Freestanding houses ("dwelling house")

* Agricultural property (It must be zoned as such)

And the rule is 2, 4, 6:

In a townhouse you may keep 2 dogs and 2 cats, in a freestanding house you may keep 4 dogs and 4 cats and on an agricultural property you may keep 6 of each....which is a lot of animals if you think about it!

If you want to keep more (golly gosh) you need a permit. To get the permit you need to:

1. Put up a notice within one metre of a public street close to your house for at least 14 days notifying your neighbours of your intention of making application for a permit. If they object, they must provide this to you in writing.

2. Go to your police station or your attorney friend's house and depose to an affidavit stating that you have put up your notice.

3. Ready R485. This is the prescribed fee for the application and is a once off fee and not an annual licence fee as many people thought. Also, you only pay this amount once regardless of how many extra animals you are applying for.

4. Go to any of the environmental health offices with all the above in hand and complete the prescribed form.

A bit of a schlep, but not so bad. The city will perform an inspection and may refuse your application.

It may also interest you to know that no person may keep a dog that barks/howls/whimpers to such an extent that it causes a nuisance to their neighbours, or that is so diseased that a vet can't treat it or that is not fenced in.

And yes, if your dog poops in public, you MUST pick it up. Unless you are blind and it is your guide dog (I hope the dog will guide you so as to not step in the land mine.) Cats, apparently, may also poop wherever they wish as no mention is made of this in the bylaw. Bleh.

This bylaw also prohibits fireworks that cause stress to animals.

I fully support this bylaw! Any legislation regulating the treatment of defenseless animals should be encouraged.

For the full bylaw go here.

Maimed little Morsel

2010-07-11T17:57:00.003+02:00

For the longest time I wanted a tiny dog of the toy variant so imagine my delight when my husband finds me a min pin at the Edenvale SPCA.

We had to wait four whole days after the home inspection before we could collect him as he had to be neutered first.

On Tuesday we went to a vet in Edenvale that performed the surgery to go and collect him. He was in a bit of a state and would scream blue murder when anyone touched him. The vet said that the breed is "pieperig" (who can help me out with the English there?) and cracked several jokes about how female dogs were so much stronger when spayed. I didn't really mind all of this, because having rescued dogs before I know very well that it takes them some time to adjust and that this one had had quite a traumatic couple of weeks. He had spent at least two weeks at the SPCA that we know of and he was rescued from some guy who was trying to sell him on a street corner.

We took little Morsel home and by the next morning, he greeted us with a wagging tail which was a very good sign. We gave him a bath (he smelled just dreadful) and put on his jersey. He seemed to be settling in very nicely, but would still scream when we picked him up and would try to bite us (succeeding a couple of times). Other times he was quite calm. But at night he was very active and we got a taste of what it would be like with a baby (no, thanks!)

Sometime in the early morning hours on Thursday, I got up for my nightly ablutions and to check on Morsel. I was in for a shock: He had a bleeding wound on the centre of his back! It looked so terrible. Knowing that there wasn't anything in our house that could have injured him that way, I reckoned he did it to himself. My German Shepherd suffered from eczema often, so I reckoned it was either that or nerves or a slight allergy.

By 10 am Thursday, I caught him licking his lower back and saw two more of what I thought were hot spots. I treated the wounds and put the Elizabethan collar on him to stop him from licking so that the wounds can dry. By this time I was quite distressed because he wouldn't stop biting himself and I didn't want to take him back to the vet so soon to have it looked at - the little guy was traumatised enough.

It seemed to be getting better though he was still trying to lick the areas and his eyes were watering non-stop. We got him a natural anti-histamine which he lapped up, so we were feeling okay about the whole episode.

But on Saturday we were in for another shock: Despite wearing the cone non-stop, another wound had appeared and most of the wounds were oozing. I was beside myself. We had a stressful couple of hours waiting for the vet to open.

The entire time I was still convinced we were just dealing with a bit of eczema. Imagine my surprise when the vet told us he thought it was puncture wounds that were erupting! The poor dog. He had to stay the night, have anesthesia again and could only be picked up the following evening.

I had another stressful (this time teary) night speculating where Morsel could have been injured: Was it the SPCA or was the vet at fault? Who left him unattended with another dog that mauled him? Should I take it further? Phone them up and demand an explanation?

Well, life is really sucky some times. Just when you think things cannot get any worse...We went to pick Morsel up this evening and the vet gravely informed us that Morsel's condition is far more serious. When he shaved the areas around the wound, he soon realised that it wasn't puncture wounds at all.

He was burned. Either with hot water or some sort of chemical. The dead skin was starting to fall off, revealing the septic wounds underneath. He would need to come to the vet daily for a bandage change. It would take him some time to heal. The watering eyes were probably from pain.

Needless to say, I was in tears again. Who the fuck would do this? The dog is so tiny, weighing a mere 1,7kg. Couldn't hurt a fly. We will never know.

Is there not enough suffering in the world as it is? Why must there be people who inflict pain on the innocent?

Today I feel ashamed to be part of the human race.

INGENUITY

2010-05-30T10:35:00.000+02:00

INGENUITY: "

INGENUITY

Making a product so stupid kids can run into door handles safely.

Submitted by: springenwolf via deMotivational Builder

ALARM CLOCKS

2010-05-21T22:18:00.000+02:00

ALARM CLOCKS: "

ALARM CLOCKS some are cold and wet

but dey always wurk

Caption by: dunno source via Poster Builder

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Tagged: alarm clock, close, husky, nose

Clock - Shopping - Home and Garden - Accessories - AlarmClock

Is knowledge power?

2010-05-19T19:10:00.015+02:00

"Knowledge is power" is an oft used adage and one that has certainly shaped my life and directed my decisions. In fact, one of the strongest factors in my decision to study law was the realisation, that certainly as far as the law is concerned, ignorance is not bliss. The people around me who did not have knowledge of the law and the protection it provided suffered dearly for that lack. So I wanted to empower myself, so I could in turn empower others. (Unfortunately, for various reasons that I don't really want to get into now, my days in practice were limited.)

I had a bit of a setback today in my quest to establish whether I have Lynch syndrome and the resultant risk of passing it on should I choose to procreate. And I came to the realisation that knowledge is not always power.

Before I explain the detail around the genetic testing, let's consider a few scenarios from everyday life:

1. Meet Sue. Sue is the kind of person who always knew that she would forgive her husband if he had an affair. He has an affair. Sue finds out. Sue forgives him and they move on. Has the knowledge of her husband's affair empowered Sue?

2. Meet John. John has been feeling very sick and has lost a lot of weight. He finally goes to the doctor and learns that he has AIDS and has very little time left. John has been monogamous, hasn't shared needles or done anything else risky and has no idea how he could have contracted the disease. John dies. Did the knowledge that he was dying from AIDS empower John?

3. Meet Jean. Jean's friend Linda had a dog that died from dog food brand x. Brand y gets tested and is found to not have the harmful ingredient that brand x had. Jean buys a poodle and feeds him only brand y. The dog dies. A new test is developed that determines that brand y also has a harmful ingredient, but that it is only harmful to poodles.

Okay, you're tired of meeting people now, I'm sure. Here comes the science...

Lynch syndrome, or hereditary nonpolyposis colorectal cancer (HNPCC), is a condition that increases one's risk of developing not only colon cancer (80% risk), but also cancer of the endometrium, ovarian, brain, central nervous system, stomach, small bowel, urinary tract, liver and bile duct. Ordinarily a decision to do genetic testing for HNPCC is directed by the Amsterdam criteria, but in my family my sister was the only documented case. However, due to the youthful age at which she was diagnosed, genetic testing is recommended.

At first I thought I'd rather not know. But after standing by her bed watching her indescribable suffering as she exited this world, I realised I had to do whatever I can to protect myself and everyone else in my family - living or not yet conceived - from suffering the same.

So far, five particular genes have been confirmed as being responsible for HNPCC when a mutation occurs: MLH1, MSH2, MSH6, PMS1 and PMS2. These genes are the repair genes that repair DNA strands that are mismatched or damaged due to environmental factors or as a result of normal metabolic processes. When these genes do not fulfil their function, mutations occur. The genetic testing is expensive and the particular testing I require is only done in a dedicated UK lab. It involves closely examining the genes to locate the mutation. Around 60% of mutations that cause HNPCC are found in MLH1 and 30% in MSH2.

Due to the cost, the genetic counsellor suggested I first do a local test on my sister's tumour tissue called protein immunostaining. When DNA repair genes function as they should, a protein is produced. If the repair genes are not working and a fault is present, the protein is not produced. The test thus involves staining the tissue to see if the protein is present (positive result). But here is the fun part: If the protein is not present there is a greater chance that the DNA repair mutation is present. Not definitively one way or the other. Just a greater chance. And to make matters extra special we got an indeterminable result on MSH6. So uncertainty on top of uncertainty. FML.

So the next step is to examine Lindie's MSH6. The cost hereof is R9300 at today's exchange rate. If a mutation is found, my DNA has to go to the UK to to see if I have the mutation in my MSH6. That will be another R830. If the result is negative, that only rules out a mutation in MSH6. That still leaves MLH1, MSH2, etcetera, etcetera. Which means more money. More time. More anxiety. And even if I won the lottery and have ever test known to man done, it will still not give me a definitive answer about my cancer risk because science is still playing catch up. And that is just the genetics. We haven't even considered environmental factors, lifestyle, etcetera etcetera. Hopefully you are feeling my pain by now.

So I submit that knowledge is only truly empowering if it is complete, accurate, timeous, static and you can (and intend to) do something with the gained knowledge. So many variables, none of which I can tick off in my current situation. Leaving me not in control and not empowered in respect of my own life.

Ignorance would be bliss right about now.

i carry your heart with me - ee cummings

2010-04-27T22:37:00.002+02:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it inmy heart)
i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of
the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

At that particular time - Alanis Morrissette

2010-04-26T19:24:00.006+02:00

my foundation was rocked my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment I knew not run away again
that particular month I was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good for four months we sat and vacillated
we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
and in the meantime I lost myself
in the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself - i am

you knew you needed more time time spent alone with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted
at that particular time love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
at that particular time

Why, oh why?

2010-04-25T22:41:00.001+02:00

It has been more than a month since my sister's passing and I just still cannot accept that she is gone. Surely this is not normal?

Just lying here on the couch feeling incredibly sorry for myself. What I wouldn't give for one more conversation with her! One where she is actually able to respond to me. So sad that there are people that would rather send an e-mail than have a face to face conversation with someone.

Because, at the end of the day, isn't that all we really have? Connecting with others on a real and authentic level?

I have always tried to live my life with no regrets. But as I lay here with tears streaming down my face I have many. Did I do enough for her? Did she know how much I cared for her? To what lengths I would go to protect her, how I am still fighting battles for her? How much it pained me to see her waste away? I should have done more. Said more.

So many regrets. And a steadily growing resentment that I am facing this without the one person whose support I should have been able to count on.

How to grieve as an agnostic

2010-04-24T07:23:00.005+02:00

My therapist asked me what I was doing to grieve my sister and I responded that this was my dilemma. That I had no idea how an agnostic would go about grieving and that is why her death has hit me much harder than it probably would have otherwise. As a believer I could take comfort in God. I could tell myself that God had a plan. That I would see her again when I died. That she is now having tea parties in the clouds with my grandparents, my dad and my predeceased dogs.

But I am not a believer. I am agnostic. So where do I find comfort ?

So my therapist said I should Google it. And I chuckled at that, because of all the things to ask Google! Yesterday in Exclusive I was looking at what books were available and there aren't many that appear to be secular. And they only "appear" secular. I don't want to risk buying one and discovering that some religious references had been slipped in.

What about friends and family you ask? Well, my family consists of believers. My non-believer friends are either too far away (location) or not close enough (emotionally) to me. Also, I would feel a bit silly asking them advice on this. Don't ask me why! (One friend did actually give some advice and it is included below.)

So the nett result is that I find myself without much of a support group and in a state of utter pain and confusion about the manner that my sister had died as well as the fact that I will never see her again.

So (sigh) I Googled it. And since I am not the only person to have been in this dilemma, I will list my findings here to help other agnostics. I have opinions about some of the advice and will share those here too. Each person's circumstances are unique so different things would work for different people.

1. Stay busy.

Ja...I don't think this is too helpful with the main dilemma. But it is sensible advice. Fortunately my work is very demanding so my grieving is restricted to evenings and weekends. Some distraction is important. It gives your brain some downtime to process.

2. Lean on family and friends.

Good advice, but as detailed in the introduction this has its limitations. If you have an understanding partner it is a huge plus, because they probably know you best and spend the most time with you.

3. Find a balance between isolation and healing by yourself and going out and spending time with other people.

(Yes, but what do I do to heal myself?? What should I do during my times of isolation? Should I even do anything? Advice anyone??)

4. Keep the person's memory alive. We are our memories. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have been doing this through video tributes and blog posts. When Lindie was still alive I heard someone in the oncology rooms say that their son had been blogging since the start of the patient's disease, recording the whole process. I was envious upon hearing that. I kinda wished I had thought of that. Would have been helpful to be able to go back and relive the experience and really focusing on the emotions this time around.

5. Focus on the person's legacy. That remains even though the person is gone.

Easier when the person had a full life, with children, etc. My sister had no offspring and was only 27. This particular nugget does not apply in my circumstances.

6. Just be really, really sad. Allow yourself to feel all the pain and grief and just let it out.

Although rather elementary, this is actually quite helpful. But I have found it best to do this when I am alone, because the person you are with may not understand and may end up judging you which will make you feel even worse.

7. Take care of yourself and love yourself

Yes. Don't just wallow. Exercise. Pamper yourself. Do things that make you feel alive. Surround yourself with people that are uplifting. Steer clear of the energy sappers.

8. Be patient with yourself.

There is no sense in beating yourself up about how much you are battling with your grief. It is hard. You will feel a whole host of emotions and these will find expression in many ways. This is normal. Drink if you want to drink. Stuff yourself if that is what you want to do. Scream, cry, laugh hysterically. Do what you must. With time, things will get easier.

9. Start something new.

Yes, I like this. I have volunteered to give computer training to children in a home for abused children. There have been some hiccups, but I mustn't allow that to deter me. I think this will give me some purpose and will be very meaningful in the long term.

10. Accept that this life is all we know and live it well without regrets.

This brings me comfort. This is something I can control, and that control makes me feel confident again. I literally felt my back straighten out just reading that one.

Ten is a nice round number. Let me leave it there for now. Any advice from the readers?

Somewhere over the rainbow

2010-04-23T19:20:00.001+02:00

Somewhere over the rainbow- way up high
in the land
that I heard of once
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow- skies are blue
and the dreams
that you dare to dream
really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt
like lemon drops
away above the chimney tops
that's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
and the dreams...
that you dare to dream
really do come true
If happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow,
why
Oh, why can't I?

The hours

2010-04-23T02:56:00.003+02:00

I was lying in the lounge, which is where I sleep now, the only sounds the kitchen clock, the occasional barking dog and my tears. And it was as if there was an urgency in the ticking clock, each passing second urging me to live, to seek out love, to not be alone. Because time is passing me by.

I was watching The Hours earlier and marveled at the gems in it, words that resonate with me now. Like when Virginia's husband asks her why someone in her book must die and she responds that someone must die so that the rest can value life. And how Julianne's character says that she had to leave her husband and children so that she could live because staying would be death.

I want to value my life. I have to value my life. After the way my sister died, do I have any choice?

I want this part to be over: The uncontrollable sobs and unbearable pain part. But it will last longer than normal, because I am grieving alone. That makes it harder. How sad that I could not turn to the person who has the most knowledge about me and about what happened for support, for validation of my feelings. How sad that love has to be conditional. That lifetime commitments declared with conviction can be undone by screamed judgements and the ensuing silence that stretches for hours.

One can overlook your partner's lack of support when there is a value difference or a difference of opinion. One can justify it with reference to ego's and emotional baggage. One can hope for compromises to be reached and growth to occur. One shouldn't overlook it, but one can. And I did.

But one cannot overlook your partner's lack of support when something happens to you that you had no control over, that you played no part in. Something that turns your world upside down and makes you question your very existence. When you muster the courage to reach out and expose the raw, open wound that is your soul and your partner spits in it, well, it changes things in a way that cannot be undone.

To overlook it would be to not value life. To overlook it would be to piss on my dead sister's ashes.

Happy Birthday

2010-04-13T06:44:00.001+02:00

Geluk met jou verjaarsdag, Lindie...waarookal jy jouself nou bevind.

Your studio

2010-04-11T14:25:00.000+02:00

Gotta love SA. I have been giggling over this demotivational, sourced from www.watkykjy.co.za, for two days straight:

The racial tensions of late is quite tragic. Not much more that I can add to that save for expressing the hope that it will be short-lived.

Every great tragedy needs a soundtrack. I recommend this one:

Things that make me think of my sister

2010-03-30T20:59:00.001+02:00

(and sometimes causes me to choke up and sometimes to break down...)

Pyjamas - because that is practically all she wore the last six months of her life.

My dogs - because she loved dogs so much and always greeted mine with a "hallo skirminkels!"

Any talk of cancer - for obvious reasons.

Food - because she always loved to eat but couldn't manage anything towards the end. Especially prawns because that was her last meal.

My mother - because all we talk about these days is my sister's estate.

My dreams - because it is the only place I can still interact with her.

Now what?

2010-03-21T08:03:00.003+02:00

On Friday, we cremated my sister's remains. An incinerator did the actual cremation, but we had to push the coffin in. We had one last look at her before. She still just looked like she was sleeping and would wake up any moment. It is all very traumatic, I tell you.

Yesterday we had the memorial and about 45 people pitched. It went well, as these things go, but it was over in a hurry. I had to smile and kiss strangers and say thank you as people told me to just be strong (right, because up to now I was what exactly?), to just keep my eye on God (don't EVEN get me started), to take a vacation, to have children (why don't people get that this is a personal matter and that they have no business telling me that I should have children, that I am at the right age!?! It is my body and you have no right to tell me what I should do with it!)

So now what?

It feels weird. After the mad rush to hospital after work, after running around trying to get the useless medical staff to do what they need to (and they are useless - Dog help us all when we get sick), after all the admin of getting Lindie's permanent disability claim finalised, after the three or four false alarms about imminent death that had me rushing to her bedside in a panicked state, after the cremation and memorial arrangements...after all the chaos there is suddenly nothing left to do.

She is gone.

And I feel completely and utterly lost.

I feel ill at ease...like something is just very wrong.

I feel like I should go somewhere and be alone. But I feel like there is hysteria lurking underneath the surface and I fear that the moment I allow myself to feel completely I will have a meltdown of gigantic and psychiatric proportions.

So now here I am, in limbo.

Now what?

In memoriam: Lindie Hertz

2010-03-16T07:37:00.004+02:00

Lindie did not have an easy life.

She grew up without knowing her father who abandoned us when we were but little children. Lindie was a hyperactive child, who ran before she could walk, literally. She couldn't sit still, always wanting to explore her world. This led to her having quite a bit more injuries and doctor visits than the average child. When Lindie was 7 years old she fell into a bath of hot water, sustaining quite serious burns and ended up spending two weeks in hospital. But she was out and about again in no time.

At 16 years, Lindie was hit by a speeding car while crossing the road. She sustained several injuries, including a broken pelvis and wrist and a brain hemorrhage. She spent two weeks in ICU. We were distraught. She lay there broken, and we did not think she would recover. But she proved us wrong. She re-learned how to walk, caught up on what she missed out on academically, matriculated and went on to university to complete a B.Com in Accounting.

Lindie was a well-rounded child who excelled academically, played netball, sang in the choir, served as a prefect and had many friends. She grew into a self-assured, no frills adult. Never shy, she would strike up a conversation with anyone, and boy, could she talk! She was a friendly and charming person. She loved music, dancing, movies and playing The Sims. She supported the Bulls and loved watching sport. She was a hard-working and loyal employee who drew much enjoyment from her position at Comair.

Lindie adored dogs and dogs gravitated towards her as if she were made of bacon. She loved her two dogs, Duke and Arwin, very much.

Lindie's optimism and zest for life was infectious, endearing her to many.

At the age of 26, Lindie was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer.

What followed was a harrowing experience of surgeries, chemotherapy, moments of hope and moments of dispair, that only those of us who have lost loved ones to this dreadful disease would truly understand.

But right to the end, Lindie refused to give up hope, refused to stop living. Last Tuesday she contracted pneumonia and the doctor did not think she would last the night. He clearly did not know my sister. She beat off the infection!

But tragically she could not beat off death. After a week of excruciating pain and struggling for air, Lindie's broken body finally gave out. The cancer had won. She died this morning at 6 am at the far too young age of 27 years and 11 months.

I have to believe that her life has not been in vain. We can choose to remember her how she was in her weakened state unable to eat or drink, unable to talk and bed-ridden, a course of action that leads to many questions, but no answers.

Or we can choose to remember her the way she was before the diagnosis, vital and beaming, and we can hold on to the lessons we can take from her experience:

Always eat with gusto and purpose. Enjoy every meal as you provide your body with the nutrition it needs.

It doesn't matter how much you weigh. What matters is that you are healthy. Health is more important than being a size 10. And without health, you can not enjoy what life has to offer.

There is always hope. No matter how dire the situation, you can always choose to pick yourself up and fight.

And the most important lesson: Don't wait for tomorrow. Live the life you want today, because it may be your last.

Goodbye, Lindie. Rest in peace. You will live forever in our hearts and memories and I will never forget the strength you showed in the face of death.

Is this real?

2010-03-13T19:48:00.002+02:00

Is this really happening?

For almost two years we have known this time would come, yet now when the time is here, now that my sister is actively dying I am in disbelief and shock. Not only does she look nothing like her former self, her behaviour is that of a stranger...But I suppose we are all strangers in death.

Her suffering is just so needless! She is obviously in distress, but too far gone to verbalise it. All I ever wanted to do is protect my little sister and I can do nothing for her. She has to struggle through this nightmarish journey alone. I am at home but I long to be there by her bed. But when I am there it takes all my self control to not run away. It is not fair. It is just not fair. She is only 27. The pain and frustration I feel when she calls out to us to help her, but there is nothing we can do to help her...well, there are no words to describe it.

I understand it all now. Euthanasia, assisted suicide, people who desert their loved ones who are dying...the pain is unbearable, for everyone involved.

How people can still believe in a higher power in the face of such suffering is beyond me. Cancer is the ultimate proof against intelligent design.

Please, please, please, let her suffering end.

My noble strife

2010-03-01T21:31:00.003+02:00

Some of you may not be aware of this, but I consider myself to be a bit of a poet. Or to put it more poetically :

Guess you didn't know it,
but I am a poet...

LOL. Okay, I am being completely ridiculous. But my poetry has some merit IMO. Visit the blog and let me know if you agree.

Time to end the Hei-di-a-tus...

Are you still mad by Alanis Morissette (abridged version)

2010-01-01T17:43:00.001+02:00

are you still mad I kicked you out of bed?
are you still mad I gave you ultimatums?
are you still mad I compared you to all
my forty year old male friends?
are you still mad I shared our problems
with everybody?

are you still mad I had an emotional affair?
are you still mad I tried to mold you into
who I wanted you to be?
are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions?
of course you are
of course you are

are you still mad I wore the pants most of the time?
are you still mad that I seemed to focus
only on your potential?
are you still mad that I threw in the towel?
are you still mad that I gave up long before you did?
of course you are
of course you are

Tips to surviving cancer

2009-10-29T16:46:00.000+02:00

I would like to share a few pointers on what to do when you have received a cancer diagnosis.

I have learned these tips the hard way: Walking the path with my sister who was diagnosed with colon cancer in July 2008. I wish somebody told me what I am about to tell you. Perhaps then she would have had a fighting chance. But it is the strangest thing: There are so many support groups and doctors and survivors that one crosses on the journey, yet one is pretty much left to your own devices. It is a very lonely and uncertain journey.

TIP NUMBER ONE: THE NEWS
When you receive the diagnosis, do the sensible thing: PANIC! Cancer is serious. Your life is at stake. Don’t brush it off. Don’t go into denial. Deal with the news, as best you can.

TIP NUMBER TWO: UPGRADE
Cancer treatments are bloody expensive. You need to immediately upgrade your medical plan to the absolute highest plan that you can afford. You do not want to risk not having criticial treatment approved by your medical aid because your plan does not allow for it. You can always downgrade again. You can’t come back from the dead.

TIP NUMBER THREE: LISTS ARE YOUR FRIEND
After you have panicked make an appointment with the diagnosing doctor. Draft a list of questions beforehand. One easily feels overwhelmed when doctors start talking. A list will make sure that you ask everything you want to know. You are paying for his/her time – make the most of it. Use a list for this appointment and every other appointment with every other doctor. Take a pen along and jot down notes as the doctor speaks. The mind is an incredible thing. You will most likely forgot most of what was said the moment you walk out the door. Your notes will be your saving grace. Examples of information you absolutely need at this stage is the type of cancer (and make sure you write down the medical name), what stage it is at, where exactly in your body it is located (let the doctor show you on a diagram of the human body if need be), what your treatment options are, what symptoms you can expect before, during and after treatment and in general and what the next steps are. If the doctor is not a cancer specialist, he/she might not be able to answer all of these questions. That’s okay. It’s a start. You will fill in the blanks in due course. Ensure though that you get a copy of the biopsy report a.s.a.p. and any other reports on your condition.

TIP NUMBER FOUR: YOUR FIRST CHANCE IS YOUR BEST CHANCE
The diagnosing doctor will in all likelihood refer you to a cancer specialist, e.g. an oncologist. That is fine. But before you make an appointment with the specialist, you have to do some research. So just get all the contact information for the next doctor and the referral letter. Doctors are expensive, plus your time is precious. Don’t jump into the referral: It may not be your best option and you may be wasting time, money and your life, in the process. They may be golf buddies for all you know. You need to find THE expert on your disease.

TIP NUMBER FIVE: GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND
Now the research starts. You need to find out absolutely everything you can about your disease, about your treatment options and how you need to adapt your lifestyle. You absolutely cannot just rely on what any doctor tells you. It is your body, your life – TAKE CONTROL.

Start with the disease. Take the biopsy report and translate every word that you do not understand using either a thesaurus or a search engine. Write it down. Make sure you understand the report. This goes for any other reports you have.

Next, google the medical name for the cancer as per the biopsy + treatments. List all the options for yourself as well as what is said about the effectiveness of these treatments. Make sure you understand exactly how the treatment works, how it will affect your body, whether you will be able to work while receiving the treatments, etc.

Now find out what general information there is regarding lifestyle changes. Google “living with (your) cancer”. Browse the websites of cancer organisations you know of. Don’t stick to local sites. How should you change your diet? Exercise regime? Where can you go for counselling? Where can your loved ones go for counselling? Find out! Write it down or print it out. Start keeping a file. Knowledge is power. Take your file and all medical documents, including scans and X-rays to each doctor’s appointment.

Revisit Google every time there is a development.

TIP NUMBER SIX: WHO’S YOUR DADDY?
Your cancer may be hereditary. Anyone that is at risk must consider genetic counselling. There are specialised centres for this purpose. Tell those that may be risk about your disease if you have not done so already. If they decide to go for the counselling, they will need a copy of the biopsy.

TIP NUMBER SEVEN: FIND YOUR MAN
Now that you have assimilated the relevant information it is time to find the expert doctor that will treat you. You may need a few doctors to treat different aspects. It is rare to find a doctor that has enough expertise to treat all aspects of your condition. Very few doctors look at the body holistically. It is your job to make sure that your whole body is being looked after. The immune system suffers. The digestive system suffers. The mind suffers. Get as much expertise as you need. It is hard to find out who the best in any given field is. Speak to people that has or had the same cancer is you. Google the names that are given to you. I am in favour of doctors affiliated to academic hospitals . They are closest to the research and more up to date with any advances in the particular field.

TIP NUMBER EIGHT: SECOND GUESS
So you have found your man, you have drawn up your list and you go to the appointment. Take notes,particularly the exact name of the suggested treatment. Why? Because you are of course going to run it through Google when you get home. Ask the doctor what the success rate is of the particular treatment. You need to make sure that the treatment is proven to have an effect. Don’t assume that the doctor will know what is best. We found out a year and a half after my sister was diagnosed that the first oncologist she saw, the one the surgeon refferd her to, gave her 12 sessions of a drug that has been proven to have NO BENEFIT as a treatment for her particular cancer. Read that again. She ended up wasting a year of the time that she had left and thousands and thousands of rands because we didn’t have the sense to second guess. Doctors have that effect on us. They have that air. Do not be afraid to second guess – IT IS YOUR LIFE THAT IS AT STAKE.

TIP NUMBER NINE: SECOND GUESS. AGAIN.
Find another expert. Get a second opinion.

BOTTOM LINE: GET TREATMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BUT MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR DISEASE AND THAT YOU ARE GETTING THE CORRECT TREATMENT.

TIP NUMBER TEN: REACH OUT
Look after your emotional needs. Don’t hide your feelings from your loved ones. This is an extremely difficult thing to go through. For everybody involved. Reach out and comfort each other. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take someone along to your appointments to take notes. You don’t want to miss anything, and your mind might play tricks on you. Get an objective third party you can speak to openly about everything that is happening to you.

That’s it. I hope you find this information hopeful.
All the best for what lies ahead.

My new hero

2009-09-30T17:05:00.000+02:00

I just love dissenting voices and Julian Baggini is my new hero.

To see why, check out his article "The New Atheist Movement is destructive" here.

Like, seriously

2009-06-08T16:04:00.001+02:00

...this isn't funny anymore. How can it be THIS hard to find suitable employment?

Three months and counting...

God Idols - Heime

2009-05-03T15:03:00.001+02:00

No Jews were harmed in the making of this video.

That's me in the corner

2009-03-26T21:47:00.001+02:00

There are no words to express how much I am dreading tomorrow.

More flashing of fake brave smiles to the fake brave smiling faces of my family. More hospital stench and waiting around aimlessly in uncomfortable chairs. More tiptoeing around my sister's fragile ego. More horrid cafeteria food getting stuck in my throat. More trying to decipher what that damn foreign surgeon is trying to say and trying to read what he is not. More attempting to be the pillar for everyone else and failing miserably.

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now: Cancer is proof that there is no God.

God Idols - Chosui

2009-03-18T12:10:00.001+02:00

I cannot believe I am singing whilst wearing a sheet...and for all the world to see. Yikes!

Check out the latest edition of God Idols.

BFF? NO, BEE!

2009-03-13T17:31:00.004+02:00

So I have been fairly quiet on the blogosphere and the reason is that I am job hunting. Yes, sadly, the world recession has now affected my job as well so here I am, yet again, scouring the Workplace and all the internet career sites.

During this past week I went to dinner with two of my friends (one is black, one is Indian - yes this is relevant) which is something we do every few months or so. We became friends a few years back when we were all still employed by Investec and kept in touch when our careers led us to new companies. I love these girls. They are witty, supportive, zesty. They were there when Owen and I said our vows and they stood by me when the news about my sister hit.

Our dinner conversations cover every detail of our lives (as is the custom with females) and will jump from work to relationships to politics and back again. Due to my current state of mind I of course used the opportunity to sulk about how few positions are available and how many of those are EE and how I think it is really unfair that somebody like me who did not have a privileged background, whose parent(s) were never political and who is generally as stellar as I am has to suffer due to BEE.

Well, I guess for an intelligent person I can be really daft sometimes...did I really think I would receive sympathy from them? Yes, I did! Because I don't see colour. I see us as equals: Female, empowered, educated. So when I am down and I turn to my friends for support, I want just that - support.

But what I got was anything but supportive. They pretty much spoke with one voice. Never mind the fact that the one had a private school education (I didn't). Never mind the fact that I agreed to assist the other with her master's dissertation (a favour that will not be returned). Never mind the fact that I stressed that I in no way compare my childhood to that of a child of the township's. Apparently none of this matters.

Apparently all that matters is that, and I quote: "Somebody has to pay".

I am speechless. When, oh, when is this country going to move forward? I guess the joke is on me.

God Idols - Cletis

2009-03-10T13:46:00.001+02:00

It takes a very secure man to act like such a fool on the internet! :)

This episode is my favourite as far as lyrics go (if I do say so myself...).

This is not suitable for Christians that are easily offended or are in denial about the truth of the goings on behind the pentecostal doors.

God Idols - Jebediah

2009-02-23T11:22:00.001+02:00

Gotta love the Amish!

Who gets it?

2009-02-22T13:38:00.002+02:00

Here’s a fun little game my husband and I played this weekend. It’s called “Who gets it” and was inspired by Victor Stenger who contrasted the rights of a new born baby and an adult chimpanzee. We have expanded it some.

It works thus: You are in a room and you have a loaded gun. With you in the room is one of the pairs listed below. In each instance, you have to decide who gets it, i.e. who gets the bullet. Yes, you have to decide who lives and who dies. This is a moral dilemma that also reveals your values as a person.

NB: I do not wish any of these people (or animals) any harm. This is merely a THOUGHT experiment. It is a more intellectual version of “Getting to know your Friends”.

Now that you understand how it works, study the pairs below and decide who gets it! I will publish my responses with the rationale in the comment section so as to not influence your decision. You may also add some of your own.

Who gets it?

1. A talking gorilla or a seeing eye dog
2. A fundamentalist Muslim or a fundamentalist Christian
3. James Randi or Richard Dawkins
4. Ray Comfort or George W Bush
5. Sylvia Browne or John Edwards
6. James T Kirk or Superman
7. Julius Malema or Gwede Mantashe

What do you get when you

2009-02-17T09:22:00.001+02:00

add together intelligent design, ET, free love and Dolly?

Raelism!

Check out the first performance in God Idols.

God Idols airs

2009-02-09T10:17:00.010+02:00

We have championed sore throats, getting lost on the way to filming, emotional trauma due to shaving off of beards, power cuts and logistical challenges to bring you the first instalment of a very entertaining piece.

Spread the Word! :)

Many thanks to my co-heathens Angela Butterworth, James Hough, Gustav Bertram, Michael Meadon and of course Owen Swart, whose photoshopping skills knows no bounds.

Our wedding

2009-02-05T15:32:00.001+02:00

I finally got around to uploading this on YouTube. It is a music video of our weddding day. Pulls on your heartstrings, doesn't it?

Click!

2009-02-05T12:02:00.010+02:00

No, this is not a post about how awesome it would be to have a universal remote to control your loved ones with (wouldn't it just be fabulous! .... )

Instead I would like to tell you about a site where you can support several causes just by clicking. Causes range from diminishing numbers of big cats, to carbon emissions to women abuse. So hop on over there and support your cause of choice. Or better yet, support them all - you are using company bandwidth anyway! Get clicking here.

And while you are feeling all philanthropic, go to http://www.eskomdsm.co.za/. Simon Gear mentioned this on 702 so I had a look. You capture information about your energy usage and it breaks your usage down so that you can see what is gulping up the most energy and it provides tips on where you can cut down on your monthly cost. You are already paying a demand side management levy each month (check your account if you don't believe me), which is probably used in part to fund the cost of this website, so you might as well utilise it.

I scored 10

2009-01-29T12:47:00.001+02:00

Do the test. I dare ya!

The equality myth in modern religion

2009-01-28T10:20:00.007+02:00

At the heart of it, equality is a moral idea that people who are similarly situated should be treated similarly (Bill of Rights handbook, De Waal et al). The reason why we qualify it with “similar” treatment, rather than “same” treatment is that identical treatment may lead to unequal results. The origin of the right in legislation is the Universal Declaration of Human rights which was authored and proclaimed in 1948, of course as a result of the atrocities of the Second World War.

In South Africa, section 9 of the Constitution guarantees that the law will protect and benefit people equally and contains a prohibition on unfair discrimination (full section here). The right to equality may be limited, but only if it is done in terms of law of general application and only to the extent that the limitation is reasonable and justifiable in an open and democratic society based on human dignity, equality and freedom (section 36). The same right is found in section 15 of the Canadian Charter, and interestingly, only found in the US Constitution in as far as equal protection of the law is guaranteed without any reference to benefit or a prohibition on unfair discrimination (as far as I can tell).

The unequal treatment of women in Christian teachings has always agitated me. Long before I had any prospect of a husband, I resolved to not have the section in the bible that states that the man is the head of the household and the wife has to be obedient (read slave) included in my marriage ceremony, regardless of who I was to marry. I decided that if the prospective husband wanted to insist on that passage being included, he was obviously not the right man for me. There is just no way that marriage would be a happy one, not with me as one half of the pair.

Discriminative texts appear in both the old and new testament, e.g.

"I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."--Genesis 3:16

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression."--1 Tim. 2:11-14

(Aargh! Just reading these passages makes my blood boil). According to the Freedom from Religion foundation, there are more than 200 bible verses that specifically belittle and demean women.

I am sure there will be some that argue that this is an old way of thinking and that is not being practiced today, that women are treated equally. But this simply isn’t true. One doesn’t have to search far to find a man that feels his wife’s place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, ready with a smile, a cooked meal and his slippers when he walks through the door at the end of his workday. And most of the Christian women totally buy into this, so much so that even where their husbands are “enlightened” enough to allow them to have careers, they still have this pressure to still be perfect mommies and take care of all the household duties in addition to their chosen career.

As I grew older and came into contact with other religions, I came to realize that the tendency to treat women as second class citizens was by no means unique to Christianity.

When I think of the Muslim ladies and their hijabs, being regarded as possessions, I can’t help but think of the lyrics of Unpretty, a song by TLC . On the face of it, one can conclude that it is wonderfully liberating going through life without worrying about your looks, but of course, that is just on the face of it. My research into Islam and gender issues revealed some interesting contentions. Proponents of equality, who also happen to be Islam (or maybe it is the other way around) claim that the Qur’an does not discriminate against women and that the bad rap comes from the Hadeeth, a term used to describe all teachings and books that elaborate on and explain the Qur’an, but were authored by mere mortals and is not Allah’s word (!). Apparently the Hadeeth gave rise to all sorts of practices that are not seated in the Qur’an, but is characteristic of Muslim nations and rejected by Islam. This sounds all very plausible, except that I found the following passages from the Qur’an:

"They ask you about menstruation: say, 'It is harmful; you shall avoid sexual intercourse with the women during menstruation; do not approach them until they are rid of it. Once they are rid of it, you may have intercourse with them in the manner designed by GOD. GOD loves the repenters, and He loves those who are clean.'" 2:222

"Men are qawwamun in relation to women, according to what God has favored some over others and according to what they spend from their wealth. Righteous women are qanitat, guarding the unseen according to what God has guarded. Those [women] whose nushuz you fear, admonish them, and abandon them in bed, and strike them. If they obey you, do not pursue a strategy against them. Indeed, God is Exalted, Great." 4:34

Or as the apologists translate:

"Men are the protectors and maintains of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance)."

Well, whether you call it striking or beating lightly (whatever that is supposed to mean), it is still advocating women abuse.

The Jews are more sneaky. Discrimination is attributed to the women being sacred and thus exempted from certain practices, and not outright precluded. Sounds reasonable right? But wait! There’s more! Women are “exempted” from e.g. time-based commandments (like prayer) because their primary role is that of wife and mother and she should not have obligations that distract her from this primary role. But it is okay, because Judaism permeates every aspect of your life and prayer is just a small part of that. It is also because of the primary role that women are discouraged in pursuing higher education, even in the Torah, as rabbi’s fear women may become too spiritually devoted (and neglect their poor husbands and children).

Raelianism also claim to exalt women, yet it seems to mostly be an excuse to make prostitutes of them. Although I don’t think the women get any sort of payment. At least not in monetary terms.

These are just a few examples and of course do not apply to all religious people within the particular grouping. However, that is not the issue. The discrimination has its roots in the religion, whether through text or practice, and as religion permeates society and its laws, the unequal treatment is perpetuated.

We also have a right to freedom of conscience, religion, thought, belief and opinion (Section 15). So if a woman chooses a religion (because I believe it is a choice - even if you are born into at some point you develop the cognitive ability to make choices), she is agreeing to distance herself from her right of equality to the extent that it is infringed by the religion.

Fortunately, and if ever there has been a reason for separation of church and state it is this: When the woman wants to break free from the bonds of religion, her right to equality is secure and can be protected and enforced.

Lost in Translation

2009-01-21T15:17:00.003+02:00

I only came across this now, so forgive me if you have seen it before: A great guide to Christian cliches by Daniel Florien.

I don't know if I should be laughing or crying.

It is funny, because it is true. It is sad for the same reason.

Does A stand for Apathy?

2009-01-21T09:09:00.008+02:00

I came up with a really cool (obviously in my opinion) concept for a series of YouTube videos that will take a satirical look at various religions. My husband and I started developing the idea and assumed that we would be playing all the parts (there are a few characters), but then decided involving more people would not only make the project more fun, but would also make for more interesting viewing and would probably lead to the videos being shared with a wider audience. We started approaching individuals within the skeptic and atheist communities that my husband is part of. (If this is the first time you are reading this blog and you are wondering where I lie on the Dawkins atheist continuum, read this post). The people we approached were for the most part a little skeptical (could we expect anything less) at first, probably mostly because we are sketchy with the details (I don’t want the idea to leak), but once they had a bit more information were quite keen to participate. There was this one individual, who at first seemed keen, but didn’t even bother to respond to my follow up e-mail when I asked him/her to shed his/her anonymity and explained that the project involves being in front of the camera. Now, it could very well be that the person has not had the time or the opportunity to respond to my mail, but I suspect it has more to do with wanting to remain anonymous and/or his/her apathy. Maybe none of these possible reasons apply, but since I didn’t get the courtesy of a reply I am free to draw whatever conclusions I wish.

This got me thinking about how many atheist and skeptic (because yes, people, the one does not necessarily include the other) blogs there are out there and how few of these authors seem to be actively doing something to help the world. Don’t get me wrong: Having a blog that takes a critical or skeptical look at matters that affect us each day is a wonderful contribution. Provided of course you are doing all you can to reach as many people as possible. There are also people like SSiE who is being very active about the Danie Krugel problem. But for the most part, these bloggers seem to just blog and criticize what other people are doing, like that Jeremy Sherr clown, from behind the anonymity that their blogs provide. Again, there is value to this, but is it enough?

I would submit that for at least two reasons (I could probably think of many more, but I want to complete this post) it is not enough:

1. A rational thinker knows that there are very real issues that face us today and that we as a species have to get off our asses and actually do something about it.

2. An argument that most religious people raise at some point or another is that you cannot be a moral/loving/helpful person without religion, so isn’t the best way to illustrate that this is simply not true by doing something that disproves that argument?

It is a fact that actions speak louder than words. And I am not picking on the atheists, this applies to everyone. I am just disappointed by the apathy that seems to exist within a group that is so outspoken about all that is wrong with the world.

I am by no means saying that my YouTube project is going to change the world, but I think it might be more effective than just blogging. There are also other things that my husband and I do that classify us as activists, but there is so much more that we can do. Which is why I am reading The Everyday Activist by Michael Norton. I am only a few pages in, but already have some cool ideas of things to do to make a difference. (Also see http://www.365act.com/ for some ideas).

So I am introducing a new A. The green one. And (drum roll) here it is!

It represents activism and a commitment to do one thing each day that makes the world a better place. Feel free to proudly display the green A on your blog. But know that actually doing something is what counts.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2009-01-14T12:34:00.002+02:00

I have often seen and heard believers accusing non-believers of not treating the former's belief, the documents that act as the foundation of his/her belief, etc with respect. Non-believers will more often than not respond that they need not respect something that they deem to be e.g. non-existent.

I have always maintained that you should respect someone's viewpoint, even if you don't agree with it. I have decided that it may be time to revisit this assertion of mine.

As always, I want to start with the most common understanding of the word, and for this I turn to Wikipedia:

"Respect is esteem for, or a sense of the worth or excellence of, a person, a personal quality, ability, or a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. It is sometimes, but should not be, confused with loyalty or fear for a person."

Merriam-Webster in turn defines esteem as the regard in which one is held, especially when the regard is high, and defines respect as having high or special regard for something.

Right.

So if I respect someone's opinion for example, it means I have high regard, or at the bare minimum, regard, for the opinion. Woah! That can't work! What if the person's opinion is that all women are slags? Not only do I disagree with that opinion, I could never respect it, because it simply isn't true.

Conclusion 1: You cannot respect something that is factually untrue.

What then if I alter my initial assertion to: I respect the person, even though I don't agree with his viewpoint. But if his viewpoint is that all black people should be killed, I yet again have a problem. I don't agree with the viewpoint AND I could not respect a person who holds this viewpoint because it is diametrically opposed to everything I stand for as a person.

Conclusion 2: You cannot respect a person if based on your value judgement, such a person is not worthy of your respect.

So at best, my assertion could be thus: I respect your right to hold a viewpoint that differs from mine.

This would entail giving the person an opportunity to air their viewpoint. That's it.

So where does this leave us when we encounter people in forums that we disagree with? Are we within our rights to call people "unicorn-chasing f*ckwits", for example, when we disagree with their viewpoints?

I would have to say no. We don't have to respect all people, but we have to treat them with decency. A moral society demands it.

Labels

2009-01-07T16:03:00.008+02:00

On Monday I joined my husband at a pub meeting of South African skeptics.

I went along because

a) I like alcohol and

b) I have encountered a few skeptics online and had started to form an opinion of what the average (I am sure they’ll hate that adjective since they pride themselves on their above average intelligence!) is like and I wanted to see for myself, in person, whether my perceptions were justified or not. Because sadly, although the average skeptic’s heart is in the right place and motivated by a need to educate the deluded masses, he or she mostly comes off as pompous and derogatory. This may be borne out of pure frustration. And of course the anonymity of the internet allows for maximum venting with minimum consequence. Or maybe this is just the way skeptics are towards anyone who is a believer (a swear word in the realm of the skeptic) or who in any way does not espouse their approach to life.

Although I was very curious, I also felt a bit of apprehension and so did not reply to the invite when my husband first extended it. The reason for my apprehension is that my husband and I have had numerous arguments about my “mental instability” because I held certain beliefs and because in my pursuit of self-knowledge I have explored matters that he considers complete quackery I had a fear that I would be voluntarily throwing myself to the lions in a time when my personal life is marred by trauma and uncertainty. Did I really want to subject myself to that at such a vulnerable time? My knee-jerk was to avoid the situation altogether but my curiosity got the better of me.

The evening passed without incident except when early on in the meeting one skeptic turned to me and asked “So, Heidi, are you a skeptic?” Although I had anticipated something of this nature happening, I was still taken aback. So much so that I could not think of a witty response. I could not believe that I was put on the spot like that (because everybody else’s faces turned to me expectantly) when I already felt such vulnerability. I stammered some reply about “being in between things”, which was hardly a satisfactory response and of course led to the one thing I try to avoid at all costs: Being labeled. I could literally see the judgment being passed on the faces around me. The reality is that is exactly what I am at the moment (and perhaps may always be): In between “things”.

2008 was a horrendous year for me. Between my mother being “let go”, my sister being diagnosed with stage III colon cancer at age 26 and my father dying at age 51, in part due to medical negligence, I have been left reeling. For the first time in my life I had this thought, which I shared with my husband through my grieving sobs: “There cannot be a God. There is just too much suffering in the world” .

If you asked me what I would define God as, I would probably not be able to give you a coherent response, and certainly not one that would survive skeptic scrutiny. At best I can describe it as a collective consciousness, a oneness between humans, nature, life, that does not necessarily protect, but strives for the betterment of mankind, of the world. That awards kindness and can bring peace. People aren’t inherently evil, but are shaped in part by their experiences and may turn out “badly” due to a predisposition. Is there a label for this definition of God? I don’t know and I don’t care. This is what I felt. At least until about two months ago. Now, I just don’t know. Hence, I am “in between things”, having found my previous convictions to be fallacious and having nothing to replace that void in my mind with.

But people need labels. That is how they make sense of the world and themselves. So I will now attempt to find a label that “fits” me, at least in part. I am hoping it will bring me some healing and clarity of thought. And perhaps the next time I am asked “are you a skeptic”, a more intelligent response will be forthcoming.

The first label is RELIGIOUS (believing firmly in a religion and paying great attention to its practices (Oxford)). This one is easy. I have never been religious and never will be. My childhood was characterized by church-hopping, no denomination ever sitting quite right with me. Now I only find myself in a church when attending a wedding. I eat what I want (although I am trying very hard to steer clear of bacon - ask me why if you care to know), drink what I want and do what I want within the confines of the law.

The second label is THEIST (person who believes in the existence of gods or a god, especially a God supernaturally revealed to man and maintaining a personal relation to his (Oxford)). No, not any more. 2008 took care of that.

A denial of theism, automatically brings one to ATHEIST (as an explicit position, can be either the affirmation of the nonexistence of gods, or the rejection of theism (Wikipedia)). On this point, Sagan’s statement resonates with me the best: "An atheist has to know more than I know. An atheist is someone who knows there is no God." I cannot state the nonexistence of God as fact, so atheism is out.

So how did Sagan self-describe and is that then the correct label for me? He described himself as AGNOSTIC (a person who believes that nothing can be known about the existence of God or of anything except material things (Oxford)). I don’t believe that nothing can be known. I just don’t know anything at the moment. That could change. So I am not agnostic.

Am I a SCEPTIC? A sceptic is defined in Oxford as someone who is “inclined to disbelieve things, doubting or questioning the truth of claims and statements”. And “Modern skepticism is embodied in the scientific method, which involves gathering data to formulate and test naturalistic explanations for natural phenomena. A claim becomes factual when it is confirmed to such an extent it would be reasonable to offer temporary agreement” (http://www.skeptic.com/). The scientific method in turn “refers to bodies of techniques for investigating phenomena, acquiring new knowledge, or correcting and integrating previous knowledge. To be termed scientific, a method of inquiry must be based on gathering observable, empirical and measurable evidence subject to specific principles of reasoning.[1] A scientific method consists of the collection of data through observation and experimentation, and the formulation and testing of hypotheses” (Wikipedia).

Another phrase thrown around a few times during the pub meeting is “ questioning everything”. This label also does not fit me. Apart from not wanting to be associated with the adjectives described earlier in the post, there is a cynicism inherent to skepticism that borders on snobbishness to me. I also believe that peer review and of course the ever-present evils of fame and fortune, brings with it certain politics that may affect objectivity and authenticity of scientific claims. Mostly, I feel that life is too short to spend your time questioning everything. At some point you have to live your life and attempt to get enjoyment from it, without tearing everything and everyone apart in pursuit of the “truth”.

How about HUMANIST? “Humanism is a comprehensive life stance that upholds human reason, ethics, and justice, and rejects supernaturalism, pseudoscience, and superstition
Humanism has appeal to agnostics, apatheists, atheists, empiricists, freethinkers, objectivists, rationalists, and scientific skeptics.” (Wikipedia) Aah. So humanist is a secondary label. And I have to figure out the primary label first.

FREETHINKER? “Freethought holds that individuals should neither accept nor reject ideas proposed as truth without recourse to knowledge and reason. Thus, freethinkers strive to build their beliefs on the basis of facts, scientific inquiry, and logical principles, independent of any factual/logical fallacies or intellectually-limiting effects of authority, cognitive bias, conventional wisdom, popular culture, prejudice, sectarianism, tradition, urban legend, and all other dogmatic or otherwise fallacious principles.” (Wikipedia). Well, sometimes I accept ideas and sometimes I reject ideas and sometimes I am completely ambivalent. I know that I love my husband and that is not based on knowledge or reason. Sometimes things just are. So this label almost fits, but totally disregards my emotive side and brings in that pesky scientific inquiry again.

Let me try RATIONALIST. “In epistemology and in its broadest sense, rationalism is "any view appealing to reason as a source of knowledge or justification" (Lacey 286). In more technical terms it is a method or a theory "in which the criterion of the truth is not sensory but intellectual and deductive. " (Wikipedia)

One of the earliest known rationalists is Socrates and Wiki has this to say: “Socrates firmly believed that, before anyone can understand the world, they first need to understand themselves; the only way to accomplish that is with rational thought. In order to understand what this means, one needs first to appreciate the Greek understanding of the world. Man is composed of two parts, a body and a soul. The soul itself has two principal parts, an Irrational part, which is the emotions and desires, and a Rational part, which is our true self. In our everyday experience, the irrational soul is drawn down into the physical body by its desires and merged with it, so that our perception of the world is limited to that delivered by the physical senses. The rational soul is beyond our conscious knowledge, but sometimes communicates via images, dreams, and other means. The task of the philosopher is to refine and eventually extract the irrational soul from its bondage, hence the need for moral development, and then to connect with the rational soul, and so become a complete person, manifesting the higher spiritual essence of the person whilst in the physical. True rationalism is therefore not simply an intellectual process, but a shift in perception and a shift in the qualitative nature of the person. The rational soul perceives the world in a spiritual manner - it sees the Platonic Forms - the essence of what things are. To know the world in this way requires that one first know oneself as a soul, hence the requirement to 'know thyself', i.e. to know who you truly are.”

Yes, this is almost perfect! Although I do feel that senses have a role to play. It should not be used to base the whole truth on, but they do play an important role in terms of collecting data. Also, it fits with my view that each person should be free to believe what they want, as long as it does not cause harm to themselves or others. The focus is on an internal locus of control, not to prove things “wrong” or “right”, but to use logic to arrive at the best possible “truth”.

So there we go. The next time a question of that nature is posed, I can with reasonable certainty proclaim that: I steer clear of labels, but have rationalist tendencies. Or I can simply say: I am just me.

Why you must always peruse your invoices

2008-12-11T14:57:00.002+02:00

*sigh*

I have been a customer of Vodacom for close on 7 years now. In terms of reception and network connectivity, I have had little to no problems.

The same cannot be said for service and charges though. My first unhappiness came some 2 years ago when I happen to look at the invoice that sometimes get sent to my designated e-mail account and saw that I had been subscribed to two services and that I was being charged for it. I think they were called Look4me and Look4help respectively. Now sure, it wasn't a lot of money, something like R20 in total per month. But it is the principle of the matter. What happens is that the services are free once introduced and then get charged for after some time and if you don't want the services, YOU have to phone THEM and opt out. Sure enough I did that and demanded my money back for the 8 odd months that they had charged me for these services. After some drama I was refunded. Only to receive another sms a few months later informing me that I have been subscribed to these services AGAIN.

There were other instances of poor service, but let me rather not rehash it all now.

I was due for an upgrade in October and migrated to a different package and opted for the BlackBerry curve, lured by the promise of unlimited e-mail and unlimited on device browsing. (Check out http://www.vodacom.co.za/getSpecials.do if you don't believe me). All for a small amount of R60 on top of the normal contract subscription. Chuffed, I waited impatiently for the migration to happen. Since then I have been having all sorts of fun with my new phone.

Then came my first invoice. And what do I see? Data charges! Now, again, the amount was insignificant, a mere R40, but how can they advertise unlimited e-mail and browsing and then charge me on top of what was agreed for data? After taking a few deep breaths I phoned the call centre and after explaining to the consultant what my issue was (and him telling me that he knows you can get e-mail on BlackBerry but that he doesn't think you get unlimited browsing) was put through to all and sundry. Finally it transpired that I was using the Vodafone browser and that is why I was incurring charges and that I have to switch to the BlackBerry browser. After another 3 calls to the call centre to get the technical support (why they can't take you through everything until your problem is solved in one go I will never know) I managed to resolve the issue.

But I am very irritated. I think it is extremely dishonest of Vodacom to advertise unlimited browsing and e-mail but then to make their own Vodafone Live browser the DEFAULT browser and then happily charge you for it. If my suspicious mind did not cause me to scrutinise the invoice, this would have continued for who knows how long.

If only there was a worthwhile alternative and if only porting wasn't such a schlep and so vastly underregulated. The telecoms industry in this country is a joke.

Eulogy

2008-12-01T09:02:00.003+02:00

I stood next to your bed and listened as you talked about your life, its many tragedies and few joys. You had intelligence and wit - that much was obvious. When I heard the news of your ill health I took the decision to come and see you, knowing it would be difficult. My reasons were twofold. The altruistic reason was to bring you peace, to tell you that I did not hold a grudge. To bring you some comfort that I still cared, especially in your hour of need. The second reason was completely selfish. After all these years and even after convincing myself that it didn't matter I still wanted your approval and love. So I stood by your bed, mostly silent, and I lapped up every word, hoping and waiting for you to express your regret for the lost years. But you didn't. And you didn't reach to touch me like you did the last time I saw you eleven years ago. And I didn't reach for you.

You had become old and withered, a broken body and a broken heart. I came to tell you that I forgave you, but suddenly I was at a loss for words. You did not try to bridge the gap and suddenly I did not have the inclination either. I hoped that the gesture of driving several miles to see you would be enough and would speak the volumes that I carried in my heart.

The doctors did not know why you were ill and they weren't in any sort of rush to find out. Crucial tests were not being done because in a government hospital certain tests are not done over the weekend. They got angry when we looked at your file and took it away. We were waiting for the surgical consult, but the surgeon never came.

You were dying and there was nothing I could do.

The day had sapped me and your conversation dried up. You just lay there, battling for air, sweating profusely. We would make eye contact over your oxygen mask for short bursts before we would both look away. I don't know why you looked away. I looked away because I didn't want to burden you with the hurt and questions lurking in my eyes.

So I gave you my business card and you put it in your pocket with your cigarettes. Still I didn't touch you. I didn't know how. And then we left.

Less than 24 hours later you were gone.

I will never know why you made the decisions you did. I will never know what happened in your past that shaped the person you became. I will never know why you didn't call us on our birthdays or let us know that you cared. You had robbed me of your love. And now your life had been robbed from you. The tragedy of it all consumes me and a cloud of regret hovers above my head. A darkness is pushing down on my shoulders and my soul.

I am sorry I could not tell you this before, but I hope you know:

I forgive you, Dad.

Goodbye.

College humour

2008-11-26T13:45:00.000+02:00

Sometimes vile, but ALWAYS funny.

Sample the one below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_t8DvM2kX8

The importance of being earnest

2008-11-12T23:16:00.001+02:00

I am reading A New Earth and toying with ideas like being present and in which ways the ego drives behaviour. Tolle says that emotions are the body's reaction to thoughts. Thoughts are usually about the past or the future and thus counterproductive to being present. So the conclusion is that if I control what I think about, i.e. steer clear of thoughts about the past and the future (neither of which I can control - so thinking about either is a huge waste of time) my emotive responses would be reduced if not completely eliminated over time. Being as emotional as I am has not really served me, so I think it will be worthwhile to give it a go. Won't be easy though...

Fakers unite!

2008-08-26T18:46:00.002+02:00

You know how they say that auditors are always broke and attorneys' legal affairs are never in order and how IT people never have a fully functioning computer? What BS! Who came up with this nonsense?? My affairs are in order. Granted, I don't have a will (and I am an attorney for those who didn't know) BUT I don't need one, because you only need one of those if you have dependants and I don't have those yet. In fact, I am only getting hitched now (at the ripe old age of 30) and kids are (almost) the last thing on my mind.

I think these stereotypes are mere excuses people use because they are just too damn lazy to practice what they have spent lots of money and countless hours on acquiring: Knowledge and skills in a particular field. This may be because most people divorce their "jobs" from their "lives". Conventional wisdom will tell you that to be truly happy you should do what you love and the money will follow. Inherent in this is having your own affairs in order in your field of expertise. If it is what you love, it will come naturally to you.

I therefore think it is unacceptable that someone who runs a company that inter alia sells interpersonal relationship skills courses cannot rsvp on an invitation or remember a sibling's birthday. Or that someone who supposedly has above average intelligence only earns a R1000 a month. Or that anyone who can rub two brain cells together would bring a child into this world that they can't really afford. But hey, that's just me. And maybe I am just too judgemental for my own good.

An enduring legacy

2008-08-14T10:52:00.004+02:00

I was deeply saddened by the news of the passing of Professor Randy Pausch. Although he had terminal pancreatic cancer, his last lecture was delivered in such a calm and collected manner that I was kinda hoping that a man that displays such bravery in the face of death would somehow not die. Any mention of this man just moves me to tears. I don't know if that is because of his three young children, or because of his wife, because of the last lecture or because of his message, but what I do know is that we should sit up and take note.

If you have no idea what I am on about, go and view the last lecture here.

I have given some thought as to what the biggest life lessons I have learnt and would want to share with others, whether I have six months or sixty years to live. This is what I came up with:

1. Do work that you enjoy. Don't be in employed in anything too stressful. When you are unhappy in your work it spreads to other areas of your life and festers.

2. Don't fret the small stuff. It will only make you ill.

3. Live each day as if it is your last. Because it may very well be.

Nothing remarkable, I know. But sometimes the most powerful messages are the simplest ones.

Being thirty

2008-06-24T08:54:00.001+02:00

It is official, folks.

Isn't it is strange how when you are young you (mistakenly) believe you know everything and as you grow older you realize how foolish you were when you were younger? I guess wisdom is the realization that there is very little that you can know for sure.

What I do know for sure, on this, the first day of my 30th year on this earth, is that people are fallible, that you are often your own worst enemy and that tomorrow will be another day.

Happy Birthday to me.

Goodbye twenties

2008-06-23T12:00:00.002+02:00

I have so many thoughts running through my head on my last day of being 29. I have been trying to articulate some of them all morning, but this is proving very difficult indeed. I feel sad about bidding farewell to my twenties, but also blessed that I have good friends, a wonderfully supportive partner and a new era to look forward to and grow from.

It's not all of us!

2008-05-19T11:43:00.003+02:00

I was driving to work this morning, listening to yet another radio show on the recent xenophobic attacks in South Africa and suddenly thought of what this all must look like to a first world spectator. First you have the Zimbabwe nightmare, with that idiotic autocrat rigging elections . results and victimising white farmers and all opposition supporters. Now, you have terribly violent attacks by South Africans in a country that is already crippled by crime, poverty and corruption. Please know, it is not all of us!

I have been listening for months about reports of Zimbabweans illegally entering SA by climbing the fence, and like many other South Africans didn't feel to happy about it, but what are the poor people to do? They are persecuted, hungry and desperate. What if I was in that situation? Would I scale a fence? Probably - if I was desperate enough. I didn't dwell too much on what the effect on SA would be if this continued. Mostly because I figured the whole Zimbabwean mess would eventually be resolved, either through international pressure or local pressure or something. Partly because it is not my job to think about these things and prevent a catastrophe. It is the job of those in power, those that have been voted in by the majority of SA. Not once did I think that the government's nonsense stance of quiet diplomacy would lead to what is happening in SA today. Poor and desperate South Africans are attacking and killing foreigners living amongst them in townships. Foreigners are being necklaced (sounds cheery, but it is the worst possible death - being burnt alive), are being assaulted, are being forcibly removed from their homes, are having their meagre possessions burnt. The South Africans are acting out because they "are sick of foreigners stealing their women and their homes and their jobs." Ignoring the blatantly chauvinistic part of that statement, why are their homes and jobs being taken? Apparently because some foreigners are fraudulently obtaining South African identity documents and bribing government officials to jump the queue on government housing.

The first response of course is, how can these people act like such savages? Can the non-fulfillment of socio-economic needs lead to such atrocious behaviour? And should it? If they are dissatisfied with service delivery and corruption, should they vote with violence or should they vote with their voices, come the next election? Let's assume they know no better, whose responsibility is it then to diffuse this situation? One could argue that it is the responsibility of each and every South African. But what could I, for example, actually do? Not employ a foreigner? Is that fair to a foreigner that is here legally? Should I protest to raise awareness? That would be unnecessary - I don't think that the government can claim any sort of ignorance at this juncture.

No, accountability and responsibility rests with the government of today. They do not exercise border control, they do not take a stance against Mugabe's illegalities, they do not deal with the corrupt amongst them (in fact, they are put forward as presidential candidates), they are not delivering on the promises of better lives for all South Africans. This is their doing and they must fix it. Of course I realise that there are individuals within the ANC and within government that are trying to do their best and that are competent and honest. Unfortunately, it appears, they are in the minority, or simply not in a position of power to make any sort of noticeable difference.

How did we get here? Some say we have a government that is good at liberation struggles, but can't actually govern. I tend to agree with this. I think the funding is put in place, planning is done, consultants are employed to come up with solutions, but the actual implementation is left to government and they just can't get the job done. Question is, what will happen in the next election?

The best things in life are free...

2008-05-06T11:46:00.002+02:00

...and soon that will be all I can afford!

Isn't it amazing how rising prices kinda just creep up on you, largely unnoticed. This morning I skipped breakfast because I was running late, so I decided to buy a pie for brunch. Nothing special, just a plain ol' beef and cheese pie. And it cost R12,50! I mean, I remember when pies cost R2,50 each. That was around the time I was 16 years old. So in 14 years, the price has risen with R10! That is just so crazy. I also remember when filling up a standard issue vehicle cost about R150. With the increase in fuel price at midnight tonight, it will cost R400.

I feel old.

Thought

2008-03-26T12:33:00.002+02:00

"True spirituality is a mental attitude you can practice at any time." -- Dalai Lama

I like this quote, mostly because for me spirituality is a constant pursuit of growth that comes from the mind. Meditation and the like assists, but isn't a prerequisite. Flexibility is key. As is intent and actions.

Life Orientation 101

2008-03-10T11:06:00.001+02:00

I caught a very interesting debate this morning on Redi Direko’s show regarding a father who was challenging his daughter’s school after reading his daughter’s life orientation manual where inter alia tarot cards were described as an occult practice and of the devil. According to the father who phoned into the show, yoga was also attacked and the manual has a clear Christian slant. For the full back story go here: http://www.702.co.za/news/news.asp#82794

I found the following definition of Life Orientation studies in a published Western Cape Education Department document aimed at teachers:

“Life orientation is the study of self in relation to others and society. It applies a holistic approach. It is concerned with the personal, social, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, motor and physical growth and development of the learners, and the way these dimensions are interrelated and expressed in life. The subject addresses knowledge, values, attitudes and skills about the environment, responsible citizenship, a healthy and productive life, social engagement, recreation and physical activity and career choices.”

The document breaks it down further and states the following about the aim with citizenship education:

“Personal and individual needs are have to be placed in a social context to encourage acceptance of diversity and to foster commitment to the values and principles espoused in the Constitution. Discrimination on the basis of race, religion, culture, gender, age, ability and language is addressed.”

Section 15 of the Constitution deals with freedom of religion and states:

“1) Everyone has the right to freedom of conscience, religion, thought, belief and opinion. “

Reading the above text it makes it clear, in my mind anyway, that a class taught at school that favours certain practices and beliefs above others would be unconstitutional. There was a caller that phoned in straight after the father spoke on air and said that South Africa is a Christian state since it is a democracy and 80% of South Africa is Christian, hence majority rule says Christianity is the win (it is probably not an accurate statistic). Redi responded that it is a secular state and one that provides for minorities’ rights to be protected as well. This certainly was my understanding and a view that I like because I am all about “live and let live”. However, if you read subsection 2 of the section on religious freedom, it states:

2) Religious observances may be conducted at state or state-aided institutions, provided that :
a) those observances follow rules made by the appropriate public authorities;
b) they are conducted on an equitable basis; and
c) attendance at them is free and voluntary.

And in fact, in the preamble of the Constitution is written “May God protect our people” .

So hang on, what is going on here? On the surface, you are free to practice your religion and have your beliefs, but if you go to a public school, then sorry for you, religious observances may be conducted that are against your own beliefs. But it is okay, because attendance is free and voluntary. Except we all know that in practice a learner who refuses to attend hymn practice, for example, will get into a whole heap of trouble. So what is the alternative? Many callers and smses to the show said the father must take his daughter out of the school. Yes, let’s rather run away and not challenge something that is incorrect. That’s clever. Not!

All this father wants is for his daughter to be educated in an unbiased fashion. “Teach the children the facts”, he said, “ and let them make up their own minds about what to believe” . That is certainly what I would like to see happen. But are we deluding ourselves? Firstly, who will decide what the facts are? Secondly, who is equipped to teach the facts? Because most people will bring their own subjective view into it, some purposefully, others inadvertently. And apparently, the constitution says it is okay. Before we had the Christian NP government that killed in the name of the Lord. So one would think that in a new democracy the favouring of any particular religion would be rejected. Yet, Christianity, or at least, theism appears to underpin the Constitution. How can that be?

I believe that some sort of instruction on spirituality or religion is necessary. But teach kids about everything and let them make up their own minds. It is far more meaningful if you come to your own answers rather than having someone telling you what you should believe and that everything contrary to that is evil. So if we can’t play nice and present an unbiased, factual manual for life orientation, then just omit any mention of religion, beliefs and spiritual practices and stick to how to draft a CV and why you should wear a condom.

I have something interesting to say, I just can't find the words right now

2007-12-19T16:58:00.000+02:00

Man, I am beyond exhausted. It astounds me that I feel like this year has been too long and too exhausting, yet I also feel it flew by. I cannot wait for Friday when I finally have that deserved break I have been clawing towards. So much is happening in my life right now, but blogging about it would be premature. Suffice to say change is afoot and it is high time. Oh and did I mention I have passed the conveyancing exam?

To my freethinker boyfriend and all his like-minded peers

2007-10-01T19:43:00.000+02:00

A little quote to consider that pretty much sums up the basis of my belief system:

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Andre Gide

French critic, essayist, & novelist (1869 - 1951)

Lonely at the top

2007-05-18T17:20:00.000+02:00

So I am management now so one would expect me to be spending most of my time networking and socialising, etcetera etcetera. Today, I phoned five different people to make a lunch date and they were all either unavailable or had a previous engagement.

Excuse me while I sit at my desk and have lunch by myself and sulk.

Rugby fan-atics

2007-05-17T16:47:00.000+02:00

Why oh why would anyone want to pay up to R1000 to see a rugby game? I don't care if it is the final, that is just crazy!! I wouldn't even pay R200 (cost of a ticket for a semi-final) to see this barbaric sport yet some fans drive through the night to buy tickets. Hell, some of them even sell their kids. Okay, so I made the last one up, but you get my point.

You know you live in SA when...

2007-05-07T17:11:00.000+02:00

Received this via e-mail, not sure who the author is....

-You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume"
-You call a traffic light a "robot"
-The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
-The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished watching
-You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather
-You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any
-You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
-You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Madela
-You go to "braais" (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors (long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously
-You know that there's nothing to do in the Free State
-You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer
-You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
-You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
-You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
-To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
-Hijacking cars is a profession
-You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
-The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
-More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
-People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given
-"Now now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
-You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
-Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway
-You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it -A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes
-The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
-You paint your car's registration on the roof
-You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
-You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one
-Prisoners go on strike
-You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car
-You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
-Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high
-When 2 Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Zulu ad

Yes, I am still alive

2007-05-04T15:52:00.001+02:00

Between changing positions, buying a house and my mother landing up in ICU, the last thing on my mind has been blogging. But fortunately, things are looking up in all three instances so hopefully I can update more regularly. Not that anyone really reads my blog anymore. But who knows: Maybe someone out there stumbles across it and is inspired.

I am management now – Yay! It has many challenges, of which very few were anticipated when I accepted the position. But I want to be more than management: I want to be a leader. I believe I am a natural leader, just a little rough around the edges. And I couldn’t have asked for a better team to lead. But this appointment has been very sobering. It is scary what happens at the top. Huge learning curve! But highly enjoyable.

I am reading John Maxwell’s 21 irrefutable laws of leadership (01’s) and what has really resonated with me thus far into the book is the difference between a positional leader and the real leader. The positional leader has the title. The real leader is the one everyone listens to. The knee-jerk reaction is to say that the goal must therefore be to be both the positional and the real leader. But I am questioning that at the moment. Isn’t it better to just be the positional leader and influence the real leader, pitch your ideas to him or her and let them do the talking. Is it not more important that ideas get implemented than getting the glory, doing all the selling? Is that the more altruistic approach or am I just being lazy?

Oh, South Africa, dear land

2006-12-20T09:26:00.000+02:00

A big thing is being made on the news about one of the SA cricket players not singing the national anthem before matches. The reason he gave the press does not sound believable to me, but his reasons are irrelevant. Surely that is his prerogative? The same news story goes on to show the national soccer team before a match, and not ONE of them is singing. Now, soccer is watched by the majority of the population and is certainly more watched than cricket. So if you want to make a fuss, make a fuss about the soccer team and not one solitary cricket guy. Unlike some of his cricket colleagues, he has not been associated with rape, marijuana or match fixing. He seems to be a nice guy. Maybe he just has trouble pronouncing the words of the national anthem. Maybe he prefers listening to thousands of people singing the anthem cos it psyches him up for the match more successfully.

To me this is on par with the whole name change bs. They are picking on white people! First all the provinces were changed and re-named. Then the cities and street names started to get new politically correct (read: African) names. This is an ongoing exercise shrouded in debate. Our main airport is on its third name! Does changing the name of a place change the fact that atrocities took place? No, it doesn’t. What is the point? I can’t see it.

But okay, if you insist on changing the names of streets and cities and monuments, how about changing it to the names of some white activists as well? I would be a lot more content with all the changes if we could also have a Breytenville, a Johannes Kerkorrel Drive and a Koos Kombuis plein.

Don't say I never warned you

2006-12-01T16:41:00.000+02:00

http://www.cellular.co.za/news_2004/july/071404-malaysian_couple_misread_sms_com.htm

sigh

2006-11-16T16:42:00.000+02:00

Got this via e-mail, so not sure where it originated from, but how is this for depressing thoughts on a Thursday:

"Normal life is leaving the house in the morning,
dressed in clothes that you bought on credit for work,
driving through the traffic in a car that you are still paying for,
in order to get to the job that you hate
but need so badly
so that you can pay for the clothes,
car and the house
that you leave empty the whole day."

Why monopolies are bad

2006-11-10T10:18:00.000+02:00

This is too sad for words...an entire ecosystem destroyed and the health of residents severely affected...we're talking terrible headaches and nosebleeds. And that's only the start! Who knows what ripple effect this will have. And ACSA's is silent. And all of this while there is a fuel shortage to boot.
http://www.sabcnews.com/south_africa/general/0,2172,138067,00.html

Thanks, Chuck!

2006-11-03T16:14:00.000+02:00

This day in history - October 30, 2006

2006-10-30T08:31:00.000+02:00

2005 - The most remarkable event of my life thus far occurred: I fell in love with one of my best friends.

01, thank you for an amazing year. I never dreamt a love so deep and complete was possible. A lifetime with you will not be enough.

I guess they don't like Sesame Street

2006-10-27T13:04:00.000+02:00

And this is why if I get a boy I am exchanging him for a girl!

Which way??

2006-10-27T11:56:00.000+02:00

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. - Friedrich Nietzsche -

Kidz

2006-10-24T08:20:00.000+02:00

Whatever happened to kids just being kids and doing kid-like things and being playful and innocent, and, well, kids?!

And I am not referring to 10 year old girls wearing makeup and teenage boys getting an allowance equivalent to my weekly salary, although I find this unacceptable as well. No. I am talking about kids acting like adults, in particular, the mentally deranged variety.

The things that children are getting up to is absolutely atrocious. In the past couple of months, the following acts were perpetrated by children:

A group of kids tortured a mouse to death and videotaped it
In four separate incidences, kids stabbed other kids at school. Two kids have already died. This was at primary school level.
A young girl on her way home from a party was attacked by three boys who dragged her to a different location where twelve other boys were waiting. There they took turns gang raping her.

???

Who does one blame? The parents, the schools, the government, the media? All of the above?

I don’t know. I just know it is shocking.

Tata- ma chance

2006-10-17T16:53:00.000+02:00

So I had my reunion and I don’t know why I was stressing about it so much. I don’t want to go into too much detail lest I hurt someone’s feelings. Suffice to say, I feel fantastic about my station.

And then the next morning in bed, 01 suggested we go ring shopping. What a fantastic way to end the weekend. We have started putting some figures together and it is extremely demoralizing how ridiculously a modest wedding costs in this country. But I have to say it is very exciting just thinking about these things. I would never have thought that I would get all gaga about this. It is an unusually girly response for me.

Time to win that lotto!

Feel - Robbie Williams

2006-10-11T07:35:00.000+02:00

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste

don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her
Scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel
Real love and the love ever after
I can not get enough

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste
I just wanna feel
Real love and the love ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand